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Culture Stage

Fun ‘n’ festive

COLIN MOCHRIE AND DEBRA McGRATH

Impromptu Splendor: Dickens takes place Saturday (December 15) at the Young Centre for the Performing Arts. 416-975-8555.

Can you describe your show – in 15 words or less?

McGrath: Smartsillyfun.

Mochrie: Made-up Dickens by people who’ve only seen the movie versions.

Complete the following: “‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through the city…”

McGrath: “…a young subway busker strummed a fine festive ditty.”

Mochrie: “…ran the disgraced ex-mayor begging for pity.”

Holiday shopping tips?

McGrath: Buy early. And if not, don’t adopt the frantic mood. Move slowly. Eat. Have a cocktail in between. Look at the lights.

Mochrie: What she said. Or online you can get almost anything without having to deal with the hordes.

What would you put in Rob Ford’s stocking?

McGrath: A mirror. Like the one in Snow White.

Mochrie: A library card and a ticket to Lincoln. The movie, not the city.

Do you miss the Over The Rainbow Totos?

McGrath: They were darlings, all of them, but I cried every time we sent one home. Never again!

Mochrie: I miss the band Toto.

What gifts are you getting each other? (It’s okay, your secret’s safe with me.)

McGrath: I’m not telling. But he gifts me daily with all he does.

Mochrie: I just realized I can save money on Deb’s gifts, by doing daily all I do… hmmmm….


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THOM ALLISON

Shut Up, It’s Christmas!: Thom Allison’s Christmas Cabaret takes place Sunday (December 16) at Tallulah’s Cabaret, Buddies in Bad Times. 416-975-8555.

Can you describe your show – in 15 words or less?

Carols and camp, dynamic Sara Farb and North Pole guest – not who you think!

When you were a celebrity judge on Over The Rainbow, you threw your shoe at one of the contestants. Are you prepared for shoe-throwing at your show?

I would love nothing better than to have a whole Aldo store thrown at me.

Complete the following: “‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through the city…”

“… I searched for an outfit to make me Brad Pitt-y.”

What makes you go “Bah! Humbug!”?

People who say Christmas is too commercial… and then accept all the presents anyway.

Eggnog or mulled wine?

Eggnog. And would it kill you to throw a date square beside it?

Favourite holiday song?

Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas.

Least favourite?

Wonderful Christmastime. Paul McCartney, what were you thinking?


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SHARRON MATTHEWS AND GEORGE MASSWOHL

Sharron And George’s Super Fun Christmas Sing-A-Long takes place December 20 at Buddies in Bad Times. 416-975-8555.

Can you describe your show – in 15 words or less?

The title says it all! Sharron And George’s Super Fun Christmas Sing-A-Long. (Plus cookies). Awesome!

Complete the following: “‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through the city…”

Matthews: Can you say “titty” in print?

Masswohl: (Rolls eyes)

What gifts are you getting each other? (Your secrets are safe with me.)

Masswohl: My father was Austrian, so this Christmas, our 20th together, I am observing Austrian holiday tradition. If Sharron is good, she will receive an orange. If she is bad, she will be carried away in a sack by a black-furred satyr.

Matthews: A dictionary for him so I can use it to look up the word “satyr.”

What makes you go “Bah! Humbug!”?

Matthews: The day after Halloween when I enter Winner’s and that skanky Mariah Carey Christmas song is playing. Note: we will Sing-A-Long to this song at our show – it was requested a number of times.

Masswohl: I only utter “Bah, humbug” whilst reciting every line along with Alastair Sim upon my annual viewing of his A Christmas Carol.

Favourite holiday song?

Matthews: I love that song from A Charlie Brown Christmas, Vince Guaraldi’s Christmas Time Is Here.

Masswohl: Hard to narrow it down, but my fave Christmas album is Pavarotti’s O Holy Night. If pressed I’d pick the Gesù Bambino.

Least favourite?

Matthews: That skanky Mariah Carey Christmas song, All I Want For Christmas – which, again, we’ll Sing-A-Long to at the Super Fun show.

Masswohl: I hate to slag a Beatle, but I can’t stand Wonderful Christmas Time, by Paul McCartney.

Holiday shopping tips?

Do what we do every year. Get up on Christmas Eve day, about 3 pm, put your coat on over your pyjamas, get on your fancy goin’-out slippers, gird your loins and enter the Eaton Centre.

What would you put in Rob Ford’s stocking?

Matthews: Oh. My. Lord. This is finally my moment to get in print how I feel about that [the rest of Sharron’s answer has been removed due to non-Christmas-appropriate language].

Masswohl: Well, my father was Austrian….


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MORGAN NORWICH (as Maude-Lynne)

An Especially Maude-Lynne Xmas: A Reluctant Wassail For Yuletide Misfits runs December 20-22 at Videofag. Nobodysbusiness.ca.

So, Maude-Lynne, can you describe your show – in 15 words or less?

I, Maude-Lynne, shall save Christmas by bringing pantomime and curated YouTube videos to holiday outcasts.

Complete the following: “‘Twas two weeks before Christmas and all through the city…”

“…the two Fords a-fuming aroused little pity.”

Eggnog or mulled wine?

Either or both would be most agreeable, as long as I get the chance to share a glass with @DrunkGlennSumi.

Favourite holiday carol?

Nothing puts me in a holiday humour so well as Christina Rossetti’s In The Bleak Midwinter: “In the bleak midwinter / Frosty wind made moan / Earth stood hard as iron / Water, like a stone!” Jolly, isn’t it?

Least favourite?

I have an unfortunate mental association with that tawdry Mariah Carey number one always hears at Shoppers Drug Mart. All I wanted for Christmas, Miss Carey, was shampoo and some toothpaste.

Holiday shopping tips?

eBay! Why brave the purgatory of a trip to the Eaton Centre when I can find all the first editions, rare artifacts and illegal animal trophies I need with the simple click of a mouse, and never have to leave the comfort of my mother’s basement?

What holiday movie are you most looking forward to?

Since all the new Brontë adaptations were released last year, nothing at the cinema particularly interests me these days. But I shall certainly be boycotting the so-called Les Misérables. Anne Hathaway robbed me of the chance to play doomed consumptive prostitute Fantine, a part I was born to play. I shall never forgive her!

glenns@nowtoronto.com | twitter.com/glennsumi

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