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It’s the holidays, so we all need a bit of extra cash, right? No wonder some of our best local actors are showing up on TV hawking goods in 30-second spots. Here are some notable commercial sellouts.
ALBERT HOWELL
Devil’s Advocates in Bash Of The Titans, Dec 31 at Tim Sims Playhouse
Advertiser: Glad garbage bags
Plot scenario? Scientists help Man from Glad prove garbage
emits odours in ordinary bags.
Character and motivation? I’m so in awe of Man from Glad that
I sniff garbage when he tells me to.
Why were you right for role? I look great in a lab coat.
How
did you prepare? I’ve been playing scientists for years.
What got cut? I lay on the ground and they dropped garbage on my face for 30 seconds. Three takes. They never used any of it.
What did you buy with your first cheque? A bar of soap.
What
do you want to sell next? Anything, as long as I play a doctor.
SHOSHANA SPERLING
Finding Regina, from February 20 at Theatre Passe Muraille.
Advertiser: FedEx
Plot scenario? FedEx guy tells boardroom meeting how to run a better company.
Character
and motivation? I’m a woman in the office who takes lots of notes to look like
she’s working hard.
Why were you right for role? Chiselled ethnic cheekbones.
How did you prepare? Clean glitch.
What got cut? A see-through shirt that made me look exactly like Ally McBealberg.
What
did you buy with your first cheque? Paid my rent. How much do you think this
shit
pays, anyway?
What do you want to sell next? My play, Finding Regina.
MARC HICKOX
A Very Williamson Playboys Christmas, December 19-21 at Tim Sims Playhouse
Advertiser:Lay’s potato chips
Plot scenario? Young hockey player falls victim to Mark Messier’s superior wit
and tasty chips.
Character and motivation? Cocky first-round draft pick thinks speedy skating
can
beat salty goodness.
Why were you right for role? I’m cocky, and I skate like a son of a bitch.
How
did you prepare? Four years in the East Coast hockey league.
What got cut? The part where I call Messier a “gutless Madonna fucker” and he
beats me like a material girl.
What did you buy with your first cheque? A ticket to the Canada/U.S. gold medal
game.
What do you want to sell next? Out as in this city. All I do here is commercials.
AURORA BROWNE
Second City mainstage show, Insanity Fair (unlimited run)
Advertiser: Visa
Plot scenario?A man uses his Visa in a bar.
Character and motivation? I’m happy he’s buying me a drink with his Visa.
Why
were you right for role? I looked like someone who needed a drink.
How did you
prepare? I rolled out of bed.
What got cut? My impassioned speech to free Somalian rebels.
What did you buy
with your first cheque? A drink.
What do you want to sell next? Smirnoff.
ALLANA HARKIN
Atomic Fireballs, January 21 at the Tim Sims Playhouse
Advertiser: Ford Explorer and Escape
Plot scenario?Young wife at luxurious Muskoka cottage receives a beautiful Ford
SUV as a gift.
Character and motivation? Girl gets guy, cottage and car… hey, what am I doing
wrong myself?
Why were you right for role? I auditioned in a black leather catsuit.
How did
you prepare? Envisioned a life that’s completely opposite to mine.
What got cut? Me lifting the truck.
What did you buy with your first cheque? Had my tail removed.
What do you want
to sell next? Why? You got something to sell?
CAROLYN TAYLOR
Second City mainstage show, Insanity Fair (unlimited run)
Advertiser: Quaker Crispy Minis
Plot scenario? Woman sits in kitchen and compares eating a low-fat chip with
dating
a sexy accountant.
Character and motivation? Single woman displays strong analytical abilities.
Why
were you right for role? My amiable insouciance.
How did you prepare? Ate lots of my favourite low-fat rice snack.
What got cut? A cartoon cat fridge magnet that, from a distance, looked too much
like Jesus.
What did you buy with your first cheque? A bed.
What do you want to sell next? Some of my old CDs.
