Pitch it to Harris

Rating: NNNNNTired of roasted turkey? How about some roasted Mike Harris? Playwright Darren O'Donnell and producer Naomi Campbell, fed up.

Rating: NNNNN

Tired of roasted turkey? How about some roasted Mike Harris? Playwright Darren O’Donnell and producer Naomi Campbell, fed up with Ontario’s ungenerous policies toward its citizens, have organized Bye Mike!, a cabaret to which 13 playwrights are contributing five-minute sketches. Some’ll be pre-show guerrilla theatre this week at the Tarragon, Buddies, Factory and Passe Muraille. Full evenings — pieces rotate nightly — begin October 16 at VideoCab’s Cameron House space (408 Queen West).

Here are some highlights, and the writers’ personal invitation to Mike Harris.

WHO — Michael Healey

WHAT — Eleven Hundred, in which the government screws a hooker.

HARRISMENT PITCH — “Pleese cum. It’s funy and aboot educashun… I meen job markit preparashun.”

WHO — Darren O’Donnell

WHAT — Kim’s Kid, about the effect of Harris’s policies on a woman and her child.

HARRISMENT PITCH — “If you don’t come see the show, we’ll kill your kids. Just kidding. We’ll just make them drink a glass of Walkerton water.”

WHO — Karen Hines

WHAT — Foster Child, in which toxic clown Pochsy comments on the state of indigent young ones.

HARRISMENT PITCH — “It’s a fabular meditation on poor little children and the god(s) who protect(s) them so that we need not. (Note to Mike: ‘fabular’ means ‘in the style of a fable.’)”

WHO — James O’Reilly

WHAT — Two Days Away From The Street, a hurtin’ ballad about two Parkdale guys facing an astronomical rent increase.

HARRISMENT PITCH — (to be sung with a country twang) “Hey there Mike, come try a little art. / It could plug that hole in the middle of your heart.”

WHO — James Harkness

WHAT — Look Busy, about a pigeon feeder pondering a pricey meal.

HARRISMENT PITCH — I was disappointed when you didn’t attend my last show maybe this time. I understand — you’re busy denying all sorts of terrible things.”

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