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Music

Alanis and her Male Muses

Rating: NNNNN


The original Angry Young Woman, Alanis Morissette — who plays the ACC tonight (Thursday, December 12) — likes to spin her romantic links into cathartic art. From You Oughta Know to Hands Clean, here’s an overview of Alanis’s love life.

Dave CoulierDave Coulier

Claim to fame Mullet-sporting former Full House star

When? Back in her big-haired teen disco star days (ca. 1992)

Isn’t it ironic? The star of the most family-friendly sitcom likes younger women.

Lyrical lambasting You oughta know she went down on him in a theatre.

Jagged Little career boost? On the decline since America’s Funniest People. Desperately milking the Morissette affair. See the FAQ section of his Web site (www.cutitout.net).

Good in bed? 2 out of 10

Dash MihokDash Mihok

Claim to fame Scored a breakthrough role in The Thin Red Line and a recurring spot on Felicity.

When? 1998-99

Isn’t it ironic? Fired from his big-break sitcom (Love & Money) while dating Morissette.

Lyrical lambasting Reportedly the subject of SFIJ’s So Pure.

Jagged Little career boost? Raised his profile by spinning Morissette through the ages in the era-spanning So Pure video.

Good in bed? Cosmic tears? Give this bad boy 9 out of 10.

Ryan ReynoldsRyan Reynolds

Claim to fame Canuck actor-on-the-rise now shooting high-profile feature Foolproof in T.O.

When? Now

Isn’t it ironic? Second dude named Ryan that Morissette’s dated. Ooh. Freaky.

Lyrical lambasting Still in the works.

Jagged Little career boost? Jumped from the laughable National Lampoon’s Van Wilder to high-quality, big budget film Foolproof. The Alanis connection hasn’t hurt.

Good in bed? She is spending long hours in the freezing cold on the set of his flick. 8 out of 10

Ryan AdamsRyan Adams

Claim to fame Sullen ex-Whiskeytown alt-country crooner.

When? 2000-2001

Isn’t it ironic? Morissette inspired the song Desire on Adams’s new album, Demolition. Though the lyrics dub her his one and only, the pair had split by the time the disc dropped.

Lyrical lambasting “I thought we’d be healing together. I was sadly mistaken…” from Simple Together, on new Feast On Scraps.

Jagged Little career boost? Adams thrives on heartbreak, but Demolition ain’t his most golden moment.

Good in bed? His song’s called Desire, for crying out loud. 7 out of 10

The Hands Clean dudeThe Hands Clean dude

Claim to fame Baby’s too ethical to ID him, but in Hands Clean (off Under Rug Swept disc), she comes clean about her teenage affair with a much older mentor.

When? 1988-1992

Isn’t it ironic? Morissette claims she’s covered his ass for many years and believes in consequence but [not] punishment. So what’s with the song, honey?

Lyrical lambasting “Just make sure you don’t tell on me especially to members of your family,” written in the voice of her 15-years-older boyfriend.

Jagged Little career boost? Statutory rape never helped anyone much, but Chris Sarandon scored a sweet gig playing the 50-something Svengali in the video.

Good in bed? 1 out of 10

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