IFOA pullquotes

IFOA authors give candid answers to not so serious questions

Pitch your book to Hollywood in a tweet

Six friends meet at arty summer camp. Teen intensity ensues, then time passes and some of them are deflated while others are elevated. The end.

Meg Wolitzer, author of The Interestings, on the Humber School Of Writers: The Literary Struggle panel, October 28, Studio Theatre.


A poet writes a love poem that outlasts the sun.

Christian Bök, author of Xenotext, in conversation, October 25, Brigantine Room.


In a heaven where 13-year-olds never grow older, a dead eighth grader discovers the boy he might have been. A never-coming-of-age story.

Neil Smith, author of Boo, reading October 27, Fleck Dance Theatre.


Man walks around in circles Eurovision songs humming in his head does bad things

Anakana Schofield, author of Martin John, reading October 28, Studio Theatre and October 31, Brigantine Room.


A crime writer with Alzheimer’s believes the crimes from his novels are real, while having no memory of the crimes currently happening around him.

Paul Cleave, author of Trust No One, at International Crime Watch, October 23, Studio Theatre and Around The World in 60 Minutes, October 24, Brigantine Room.


A story about escape, unknown fathers and the tragedies we can’t forget. #swingers #allinclusiveresorts #ghosts #really

Farzana Doctor, author of All Inclusive, reading October 31, Brigantine Room.


People live on remote Scottish isle, eat seabirds. Island life proves to be tough, but redemptive. #remote #survival

Talya Rubin, author of Leaving The Island, reading October 24, Lakeside Terrace and October 25, Pub Hub.


A magical pen turns cartoonists’ private daydreams into living worlds. Hilarity, erotic hijinks & complex ethical quandaries ensue.

Dylan Horrocks, author of Sam Zabel And The Magic Pen, appearing at Drawing Graphic Conclusions (Lakeside Terrace) and Text And The City (Studio Theatre), both October 24.

Describe your dream book launch 

I’m partying with astronauts aboard the International Space Station. Christian Bök

Ideally one where people show up. Gin and tonics, the Rolling Stones would play a few hits, and Stephen Colbert would introduce my book and say a few nice things, too. Paul Cleave

It takes place at Shakespeare & Company bookstore in Paris. Charles Simic and Eugene Ionesco are there. There is a lot of very good red wine (preferably from Saint-Joseph). I am reading with other poets who I deeply respect. The late George Whitman could come – he ran the bookstore. When I lived in Paris at age 20, he gave me a room that was for writers before I told him I was one. Talya Rubin

Everyone in the room has actually read the book. Plus, really good canapés. Oh, and Patti Smith sings. Meg Wolitzer

What was your most bizarre encounter with a fan?

The plug had an American prong for a British socket. Christian Bök

At a reading I did in New York City, a budding writer left me his 500-page manuscript to read and critique. He didn’t buy my book (so perhaps not the most dedicated fan). Neil Smith

All three of my fans are perfectly sane individuals who offer me expert advice on a multitude of topics including virology. Anakana Schofield

My fans are lovely. Their secrets are safe with me. Dylan Horrocks

A book club member handed me a copy of Six Metres Of Pavement and asked me to sign it to Laura. It belonged to the Toronto Public Library. Farzana Doctor

Do poets have fans? Talya Rubin

You’re writing Donald Trump’s biography. What’s the title? 

Trump – Diamonds, Loner Hand Christian Bök

I can’t even…. Dylan Horrocks

Moosehead Inc And Insufferable Pointless Guffball Anakana Schofield

Donald Trump And The Echo-Chamber Of Ignorance. Or: Remembrance Of Things Stupid? Or: The Unquiet American? Meg Wolitzer

Hair Hitler Neil Smith

Kim Kardashian selfie book – sign of the apocalypse? 

No. A tidal wave of refugees concerns me more. Rich folk have been taking selfies for generations. Just not always with a camera or a phone. (Follow @KimKierkegaard to find out the real reason for Kim’s existence.) Marina Endicott

We’d need to shave her head to see if there are any numbers there. Paul Cleave

Who should play you in your biopic?

Stephen Harper. I think it would be enriching for him to put himself in the role of a brown Muslim woman. Second choice: Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi. Farzana Doctor 

Meryl Streep. Because… why not? Meg Wolitzer

An animated cartoon, drawn with an enormous nose (it’s already pretty huge) and ridiculously hairy eyebrows. My voice actor would be some unknown, low-paid New Zealand actor who sounds like he’s speaking through a veil of tears and cold tea. Dylan Horrocks

Kiefer Sutherland, Matt Damon or Brad Pitt – (because, hey, they all look like me, of course). Christian Bök

Wes Anderson. We have the same haircut and the same love of corduroy. Neil Smith

You’re Harper Lee. What’s your message to your publisher?

You killed the mockingbird, you jackass. Marina Endicott

Please don’t send my royalty cheque to Stephen Harper by mistake. Christian Bök

Why are you all bothering me? Leave me in peace. I am old and want to sip gin. Anakana Schofield

Ten million and I’ll make it a trilogy. Dylan Horrocks

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