Advertisement

Lifestyle

Adventures in maybe shitting

Dear Sasha,

I have an older boyfriend. He mentioned that he wants to play with my scat. Have me defecate on him.

I was a bit surprised. When we went to talk to medical experts, they said there is a risk of parasites.

I’m concerned about his mental need to have this. He says he has never done it before but would like to try it with me. He tried his own, because he wasn’t sexually active for a long time and was looking for things to excite him.

He doesn’t want to try it with others. Just me.

I told him it’s not the kind of thing I feel comfortable doing. No problem, he said, but once in a while he brings it back up.

Sometimes I wonder what’s causing him to feel this way and if it’s natural. He says it has to do with being disciplined enough to have that in his mouth and not be grossed out like the rest of society.

Any suggestions? Should we go to a psychologist?

Corrado

Dear Corrado,

I commend your boyfriend for offering such a frank and precise analysis of his desire – we don’t often hear such clear motives for scat play. This might help us all understand it a little better.

He wants to be taken to the edge. He wants to test his boundaries, and he wants you to be his ambassador on this adventure. His ambASSador, so to speak.

I will tell you one thing I know about people who get hard for shit: it is very rare that this idea strikes a person later in life. I would guess this is something he’s been interested in for much longer than he’s letting on. But as it’s a poorly understood and deeply condemned erotic interest that may meet with mixed results, it’s tricky to divulge the extent of one’s relationship with it. There are a few sexual proclivities that evoke an overwhelming sense of unhealthy fixation, and coprophilia is definitely one of them. If shit’s your thing, you already know from reading peoples’ thoughts on it, both in social and professional environments, that you need to be careful about how and with whom you discuss the matter.

The bottom line is, if you don’t want to shit on your boyfriend, you don’t have to. By all means, go to a therapist together, but remember that therapists are people, too, with their own prejudices and sexual hang-ups. You may hear a lot of theory (some of it now over 100 years old) about why people are obsessed with shit, but not a lot of open and shame-free discussion on the acting out of intimate fantasies and how to discuss these things without everyone getting all prickly and defensive.

Dear Sasha,

As an avid follower of your Facebook page, I couldn’t help but notice a remark you made recently about not being too quick to send overly (I’m searching for the word… rambunctious comes to mind) familiar photos of oneself while corresponding on dating websites. (And by the way, I think a woman who drinks tequila out of a menstrual cup is heavenly, but, then, I am a woman as well and know the trials and tribulations of “feminine protection.” Anything you can do to liven it up and offset the costs through creative usage seems good to me).

I have another problem with dating websites. I know we’re in the initial stages of developing etiquette around such places of courtship, but what is it with men who get so goddamn pissy about your not getting back to them? I have been searching for a hook-up/casual thing myself and have received some pretty stressful replies from men who seem to think they are entitled to a “no, thank you” or even some details as to why I’m not interested.

Any thoughts?

Plenty of Dish

Dear Plenty of Dish,

Yeah, that’s a bit heavy isn’t it? I totally get why you would avoid men you’re not interested in, especially if they insist you reply. Those who make such demands are goading you to further engage with them, and as you may know from personal exchanges, “No, thank you” with men like this rarely ends the conversation. If they don’t pull your arm out of its socket because they’ve offered to read your palm and won’t let go, they’ll very abruptly call you a fat slut they didn’t want to fuck in the first place.

Men who can’t graciously leave things be are those whose tempers can flare up suddenly – and that’s scary. You have already rejected their offer by not replying to their advance. Why risk triggering the aggression that’s so clearly behind such demands?

Men who insist on such a level of graciousness are not being gracious themselves. Those with this tendency should know that it betrays an unattractive passive-aggressive resentment. They should also consider whether they themselves would be inclined to extend such politeness if they were similarly besieged.

There is no need to feel guilty or awkward about keeping your distance from these types, Dish. There’s a very good reason why you do: you alone are responsible for protecting yourself from unwanted and hostile attention online. These kinds of exchanges can leave you feeling uneasy, and that’s not why you’re on a dating website.

COMMUNITY NOTES

Hey male/female, female/female couples and swingle ladies, if you’re looking for something super-nice, chill and sexy to do this weekend, Oasis Aqualounge is having a BBQ and Thai massage workshop Saturday, August 6 (see their Facebook page for details). This has become my favourite new summer hangout. Chilling naked in the sun and enjoying all the indoor amenities has been such a welcome reprieve from being stuck in the sweltering city. I’ll be there in the afternoon. Hope to see you out!

Advertisement

Exclusive content and events straight to your inbox

Subscribe to our Newsletter

This field is for validation purposes and should be left unchanged.

By signing up, I agree to receive emails from Now Toronto and to the Privacy Policy and Terms & Conditions.