My stepdad is gay. He fell in love with and married my mom anyway, and they appear to have a strong relationship despite his sexual preference - they love each other, had a baby together and seem to be committed. A few days ago I found a search for men seeking men on his computer. I brought up the subject of their relationship with my mom without telling her what I found, and she said that they're currently monogamous. I don't think she would lie to me about this. Should I tell my mom, confront my stepdad or just keep my mouth shut?
Stepdaughter Needs Assistance For Understanding
There's this sex advice columnist. He's gay, like your stepdad, but he fell in love with another guy, and they appear to have a strong relationship -- they love each other, had a baby together and seem to be committed. So why does this sex advice columnist occasionally check out 'men seeking men' ads on the Internet? Because even though he has no plans to fuck other men, SNAFU, he nevertheless enjoys checking other men out -- on the street, on airplanes, at book signings and on personals websites. But why would he check out 'men seeking men' ads when he isn't seeking someone? Why not look at porn? Because sometimes it's more fun to check out real people who wanna be fucked than it is to check out fake people who are just pretending they wanna be fucked.
So, SNAFU, finding a search for 'men seeking men' on your stepdad's computer tells us nothing about his intentions. And faithful or not, monogamous or not, seeking or not, it's none of your fucking business, is it?
I'm a youngish guy having NSA sex with a friend. Neither of us is in a relationship, we're both really horny, and one night we jumped each other. We're established fuck buddies now. We're honest, we've talked about how this is just sex, etc, and we're keeping it a secret. (We have the same friends, and one of them got mad when he found out.) But I'm not really satisfied. Even though the sex is spectacular when it's happening, I feel unfulfilled afterward. My ideal relationship would be concentrating on a single guy and fucking him silly. What's wrong with me? Is a fuck buddy thing unhealthy?
Help Another Lusty Fucking Lad Address Internal Difficulties
Fuck buddies, friends with benefits, NSA -- generally speaking, HALFLAID, those sorts of arrangements can be healthy. But we're not speaking generally, are we? We're speaking of you and your specific situation. While NSA sex is taking care of your horny problem, the secrecy makes you uncomfortable (where do your friends get off being pissed?) and the sex leaves you feeling unfulfilled. Something's missing -- and you obviously know that, HALFLAID, which is why you created that sign-off. I wouldn't describe that missing something as an emotional connection. After all, a person can have an emotional connection with a fuck buddy. No, what's missing is a sense of possibility, a sense that the sex could lead to something more lasting and more intimate. As you can't seem to feel good about the sex absent these things, I would describe NSA sex as unhealthy, from an emotional standpoint, for you. So knock it off.
Your column sometimes refers to she-males or chicks with dicks, but I never see anything about my thing: guys with pies. While I identify as a gay man, my ultimate fantasy is a hypermasculine man with a vagina instead of a penis. I've searched the Web to tap into a community of like-minded men or FTMs with the goods (or lack of goods). Not much luck. Most references to men with vaginas link back to feminist theory, not mangina. I did have some experience with real vaginas in my younger days and, while I was not attracted to the girls, I did love the pussy. I have attempted to cut a deal with a few pre-op and hormone-using FTM transsexuals (they feel they are men with vaginas), but they hate their vaginas and are mostly interested in women. Where can I find real manly men who love their vaginas?
The Impossible Fantasy
I get at least one sad letter a month from gay-identified, pre-op FTMs who complain that they can't find any gay men -- excuse me, any other gay guys -- who can get past the man-with-a-vagina thing. So it strikes me as odd that none of the GWPs that you approached were: 1. gay-identified men, and 2. interested in you. So I'm putting your letter out there in hopes that some gay-identified FTMs will respond. What's up, guys with pies? Why isn't TIF having any luck?
I'm a 19-year-old bisexual male dancer and I've been seeing this really great guy for the past three weeks. We've had lots of sleepovers and we're madly into and enjoying each other a lot. The only issue is in the sack. I love sleeping with him; we make out and cuddle and it's great. However, whenever I try to top him, which he is always willing to try, he starts to complain that it hurts if I finger him and then he asks me to just put my cock in. I know this is the wrong approach. I have to open him up first before I try to fuck him, but he complains that my fingers hurt. It's incredibly frustrating. As soon as he starts complaining I get turned off. I don't want to hurt him! I'm really attracted to this guy and want to make it work. I know it's not only about what goes on under the covers, but it's really starting to break me down. I can't help but notice other guys, because I really need to satisfy these desires. What can I do? I'm very horny and very frustrated.
Please Help Me
Some guys find a hard, bony finger going into their butts a lot less comfortable than a hard cock going in. Compared to fingers, even the hardest of hard cocks -- such as the cock on, say, a 19-year-old bisexual dancer -- is softer and more pliable. You should respect his feelings about being fingered and try out some other stuff -- up to and including rimming, which, if he's clean and healthy and you're monogamous, is a relatively low-risk activity. Many guys (and girls) find that rimming 'opens them up' better than fingering.
Finally, you will always, always, always notice other guys. That's a symptom of being alive and male, and alone is not evidence that you're feeling anything less than love for the dude in your life.
I am a horny 25-year-old gay male with a few fantasies I'd like to explore. In the back of free publications there are lots of advertisements for dungeons with mistresses. However, I want to be dominated by a hot muscle leather guy with model looks. I don't know where to find such a master in Toronto.
You might want to contact the professional mistresses in your area -- there are plenty to choose from in Toronto -- and ask if they can refer you to a male dominant. Most pro-dominants are plugged into their local BDSM scene, and some even work with or share studio/dungeon space with male dominants. You also might want to put up a personal ad at a website like www.slave4master.com. I did a quick search and found dozens of male masters in Toronto. You might find someone who'll dominate you for free.
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