this is so weird. there's his relaxed face, 3 inches away from mine, his arm still wrapped around my waist. Yep, he's fallen asleep. Does he assume he'll be sleeping over? My bravado has worn off along with the alcohol, and I don't know what to do next. We've crossed the line. There's no going back now (not that I want to), but at this moment I have no clue what comes next.***
My friend Will and I have decided to take our friendship to another level - the fuck buddy level, to be specific, or FB in the code my girlfriends and I use in order to be discreet when we discuss those special relationships. Having an FB was an idea I'd mulled over for a while. After being single for a year, I missed the pleasures of relationship. But I wasn't sure when Mr. Right would come along, so I decided to improvise.
After a few weeks of observation, I set my sights on Will (a good but not too close friend), who seemed like the perfect FB prospect. We were both single, I trusted him, I found him very attractive and yet didn't have any lovey-dovey feelings for him.
One Saturday night after a group of us have met for a night of club hopping, I convince my friends (who are in the know about my plan) to let Will take me home so we can "talk." When we get to my apartment, I can't stop smiling. I try to pinch my cheeks and instruct myself to calm down, but nothing works. I'm so nervous, I keep laughing every time I'm about to bring up my little indecent proposal. I can't figure out the cool and casual way to ask, "Can we sleep with each other without starting a relationship?" After nearly half an hour of wine and beating around the bush (no pun intended), Will finally figures out what I'm trying to say. He immediately stops laughing, leans over, smiles and says, "I think I can accommodate your request." "Good." That was easier then I thought. We're so excited, we end up cementing the deal that night.
After that initial awkwardness of deciding if we should spend the night right away or go on a date before a rendezvous, it becomes a wonderful, relaxing and totally freeing arrangement. I have never experienced a relationship so upfront and open. When one of us calls the other to "hang out," we both happily know how the night will end.
I find myself feeling completely satisfied. I'm getting exactly what I want without the stress of worrying about what to wear to dinner, whether he'll bring me a gift or if I should call him or wait for him to call. We have so much fun together, and the sex is beyond words.
But one night the smooth-sailing FB relationship hits some bumps.
On our way out of a movie theatre, a cute girl approaches Will. He introduces us, and after a few moments of chitchat Will and I head to his apartment. But a weird feeling is stirring in my stomach.
"So who was that?"
"My friend Ann from Ryerson."
My mind keeps asking the burning question, What kind of friend is Ann?
"She's just a friend," he says reassuringly. We drive on in silence.
I immediately feel like climbing into a boxing ring and beating myself up. I know I've just crossed another line, the line between FB and NG (aka nagging girlfriend). I feel gross inside. I can't believe that one dumb question may sabotage it all. I decide to back off. I don't like feeling like some insecure girlfriend, especially since I'm not his girlfriend and he isn't my boyfriend and that's the way I want it.
Later that week, Will calls to ask why he hasn't heard from me. My effort to sound casual only makes him angry. "I guess it's none of my business what you've been up to," he says, ending the conversation in a suspicious huff.
I can't believe it. Suddenly, game-playing and jealousy are destroying my FB relationship.
I don't know what to do. The benefits of this relationship are too great to lose. But I realize we missed an important step in our rush from the front door to the bedroom, and that was talking. Talking about what we both expect and the boundaries necessary to maintain a healthy FB relationship.
After gathering all my courage, I call Will to ask if he wants to "hang out." His cold tone immediately melts, and we agree to meet.
Now we realize we need to make a distinction between our friendship and our sexual relationship, and to be open to new feelings we're beginning to have for each other. We finally ask each other all the questions I'd hoped we could avoid, but once we agree on the FB rules we stick to them and enjoy a great sexual relationship.
Communication saved my FB relationship. I have an incredible lover and a loving friend who really knows all my dirty little secrets.