What best describes your gender?
• Female 53%
• Male 46%
• Transgender 1%
How old are you?
• Under 18 3%
• 19-25 29%
• 26-35 37%
• 36-45 19%
• 46-55 8%
• Over 55 4%
What best describes your sexual orientation?
• Straight (I like people of the opposite sex) 71%
• Gay (I like people of the same sex) 6%
• Bisexual (I like people of either sex) 15%
• Trysexual (I’ll try anything) 8%
What’s your relationship status?
• Single 44%
• Married 17%
• In a monogamous relationship 29%
• In an open relationship 10%
How much sex are you having? Describe your sex life right now.
• Non-existent 14%
• Sporadic 31%
• Regular 32%
• Frequent 21%
• Constant. I’m doing it right now. 2%
Are you getting it as much as you’d like?
• Yes. I am totally satisfied. Maybe even a little exhausted. 11%
• I’m pretty happy. 38%
• No, I am not getting enough. 39%
• Cue the tumbleweed. 12%
You told us…
• “She. Won’t. Stop.”
• “I’ve only encountered guys who want a serious locked-down relationship or one-night stands. Where’s that delightful middle ground?!”
• “I’m waiting till I’m married. Even virgins should have a voice!”
• “Long-term relationships make for cuddling, not fucking. Sigh.”
• “Is there ever enough?”
Have you ever been in a polyamorous or open relationship?
• No way! I don’t share. 36%
• No, but I’m open to it. 31%
• Tried it. Didn’t work out. 15%
• Yes. I got a lotta love to go around. 18%
You told us…
• “I’m pretty insecure. It was fine when she was with another girl, but I just couldn’t deal with another guy. Total double standard, I know.”
• “Monogamous relationships quite honestly are for the most part a crock of shit, a lie that convinces people that love is treating your partner as a consumer item that you own for the benefit of your ego.”
• “Maybe it’s internalized whorephobia, but I find it difficult to be interested in people who are as easy as I am.”
• “It works until it doesn’t – every time.”
Do you use condoms?
• Always 22%
• Never 33%
• Usually 45%
You told us…
(Editor’s note: Praying does not reduce health risks):
• “I don’t like the way they feel. I just cross myself and say, “Please, god, just not AIDS.”
• “STIs and pregnancies are not on my agenda. Wrap it the fuck up!”
• “There aren’t penises involved in the sex I have.”
• “I want to enjoy my sex, and quite frankly it only feels good to me without it. Whatever happens at this point, I don’t give a shit. This world wants to make my sex be shit? Fuck that jazz. If I get an STI, it’s whatevs.”
• “Married, married, married.”
• “I have not had any STIs in years and have had no unwanted pregnancies. So I embrace the experience to unravel the “necessary evil” that is the prophylactic condom.”
• “Yes, even on toys.”
Have you ever cheated on a partner?
• Yes 47%
• No 41%
• I’ve thought about it. 12%
You told us…
• "I cheated on my high school boyfriend and still feel bad." • "I almost did, but the sink holding us up broke." • "Of course you've thought about it, and if you say otherwise you are a big fat liar." • "I've only cheated on the ones I didn't love."
How many sexual partners have you had in your lifetime?
• 1-3 17%
• 4-9 28%
• 10-15 19%
• 16-21 15%
• 22-30 8%
• 31-40 5%
• 41-50 8%
Okay, just to be clear. What is sex?
• Penetration 70%
• Oral 9%
• Manual 9%
• Naked heavy petting 10%
• Aural (talking dirty) 0%
• Mental (just thinking about it counts) 2%
Do you remember the name of everyone you’ve ever had sex with?
• Yes 45%
• I think I would if I had a pen and paper and time to think. 27%
• Hahahahahaha! Come on. What, do I have, a photographic memory? 28%
Do you do it on the first date?
• If I’m really into them, sure. 48%
• Always. You gotta test the goods. 7%
• No. Never. 16%
• I have, but don’t think it’s the best idea. 29%
Ever meet a date or partner online, on a dating site, Facebook, hook-up site or another social network?
• Yes 60%
• No 40%
You told us…
• "It was great. Online banter helps you cut through the BS and get right to the point." • "I'm gay. Of course I have." • "I need to see people move in three dimensions before I want to sleep with them." • "Terrible. He was a creep who could write well." • "Mostly psychos."
Ever had remote sex?
• Yes 58%
• No 42%
You told us…
• “Skype sex is a must for long-distance relationships.”
• “Good old phone sex was fun.”
• “The things I like can’t be done remotely.”
• “BBM sex is the best sex. You can send voice notes, pics and videos. It’s almost like they’re there with you. I have also had sex via MSN. (Remember that?)”
• “I’m honestly just not that attracted to my remote control.”
Does remote sex qualify as cheating?
• No 15%
• Yes 53%
• I’m not sure 32%
You told us…
• “You shouldn’t be indulging in anything sexual with someone else in a relationship.”
• “If you feel that it has to be kept secret, then, yes, it is cheating.”
• “It’s cheating. You’re telling someone other than your partner what you’d like do to them sexually, describing it to them in graphic detail and doing your best to make this other person come. Definitely cheating.”
• “Always.”
• “No touchy, no problem.”
How old were you when you lost your virginity?
You told us…
Based on your responses, parents’ basements have been a hub of activity. But no matter where you did it the first time, we’d say it wasn’t a wonderful experience:
• “Two weeks shy of my 18th birthday, in the men’s bathroom of a Best Western Hotel, with someone else’s prom date.”
• “18 years old, in the basement of my girlfriend’s parents’ house. It was awkward and quick, but we high-fived afterwards and I knew she was the right one to lose it to.”
• “He was an adorable blond boy who had never been with another guy. He was so nervous and so turned on at the same time. I think he even said to me, “I might come when I try to put the condom on.” Cute, right?”
• “It was with a friend’s mother who caught me staring at her boobs.”
• “18. I told her I was 20. She didn’t know I was a virgin, but I’m pretty sure she figured it out once the actual sex happened. Then it got awkward and I ran away. She still has my belt.”
• “16. It was my boyfriend. Totally boring in a hotel. He tried to be romantic but then was too bashful to buy condoms so dropped me off in front of a 7-Eleven to buy them. I wanted to do the dirty, so I bought ’em and then dumped the guy after the deed.”
What’s the most people you’ve had sex with at one time?
• 1 52%
• 2 24%
• 3 14%
• More than 3 10%
Have you ever attended a swingers night/sex club in Toronto like Wicked or the Oasis Aqua Lounge?
• Yes, I’m a regular. 4%
• Yes, I have been but I don’t make a habit of it. 13%
• No, and I wouldn’t. 32%
• No, but I’d be willing. 51%
You told us…
• “It was hot having people watch. That said, the vinyl cushions on the bed were a bit of a turnoff, even though I know they’re necessary for cleanliness’s sake. But still, way too squeaky!”
• “Pussy Palace… it was a once-in-a-lifetime special night with another woman that may have to last me the rest of my life.”
• “The dudes at swingers events have been more respectful than any of the guys I’ve ever met at a bar. Am I going to shitty bars, or are guys just more polite when they’re getting laid on a regular basis?”
• “I have had some of the best oral sex ever at these venues.”
• “A big naked mess. I really don’t remember much else, sorry.”
What’s your sexual deal-breaker? Nose hair? Yelling “Kow-a-bunga!”? Smelly feet? Tell us.
• You absolutely, positively must know where the clitoris is located. • Using spit for lube. • Misogyny. • No interest in or talent for foreplay? Get outta here! • Homophobia/transphobia. • Partner talking about ex. • Taylor Swift CDs or paraphernalia. • Jackrabbits - you know, the guys who give you 500 pumps a second. Fuck that. • Anal without asking. • Politics. My partner was more interested in the Liberal party than in me. • Arrogance.
What’s the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for you? We need ideas.
Some of your answers were inspiring, some of them suggest your standards are a little low.
• I was dating a country radio exec and he asked me what my favourite song was. At the time it was No One Needs To Know Right Now, by Shania Twain. He called the station and had the DJ play the song and dedicate it to me.
• Taught me how to eat ripe papaya.
• Read me poetry while the sun set.
• Not completely ignored me.
• Cooked me dinner… naked.
• When we were just getting to know each other, I asked him for a ride on his motorcycle. He said he didn’t even have a second seat because his bike was really important to him and he wanted to buy a second seat for someone special. Then, for Christmas, he pulled a second seat out of his closet.
• I was having a rough week at work, so my husband snuck little love notes into my lunch. It was really sweet.
• Couldn’t get it up for anyone else but me in a foursome.
Have you done it in public?
• Yes 71%
• No 29%
You told us…
• “Outdoors is the best. Love doing it in the woods up against a tree on a hot day.”
• “In a field. When we finished, we stood up to applause from a group of people we hadn’t noticed 100 metres or so away.”
• “We were walking through the university and looked at each other. He immediately picked the lock and we screwed on the lecture hall desk. I had class in there the next day. Never felt better about university education in my life.”
• “A certain local university cathedral. We couldn’t find the condom afterward, so, sorry, choir!”
Do you take it in the ass?
• Yes, frequently 7%
• Yes, sometimes 36%
• No, but I’d be open to trying. 17%
• No, never 40%
Have you ever engaged in fisting?
• Yes, frequently 1%
• Yes, sometimes 14%
• No, but I’d be open to trying. 20%
• No, that’s a whole hand! 65%
Do you own any sex toys or accessories?
• No. I'm too embarrassed to buy any. 11% • I have one trusty toy buried in a drawer for those long winter nights. 24% • I have several. 40% • Non-accessorized sex is like a non-accessorized outfit. 5% • No, but I'd like to get some. 20%
You told us…
• "It has a curved vibrating end that feels remarkably like a tongue. I call it "my little friend."" • "G-spot stimulator that vibrates. I call him Mr. Pink." • "Clover clamps are my favourite by far. Add rope and I'm one happy lady."
Have you ever dated or had a sexual relationship with a co-worker?
• Yes 53%
• No, never. Doing it with co-workers is unprofessional. 17%
• No, but I wouldn’t rule it out. 30%
Have you ever filmed yourself while having sex?
• Yes 44%
• No 34%
• No, but I’d be willing to take a starring role. 22%
Hey, baby, what’s the worst pickup line you’ve ever heard?
• Can I have your number? I appear to have lost mine. • People don't usually try pickup lines on me. We just get drunk and make out. • Wanna play carnival? Sit on my face and I'll guess how much you weigh. • I love you - what's your name? • Your name must be Gillette, because you're the best a man can get! • You must be dead, because you're an angel. • The whites of your eyes are really white. Do you floss? • Hey, I'm new to the neighbourhood. Could you give me the directions to your bedroom? • So what kind of Korean are you - Chinese or Japanese? (I punched him.) • Dykes don't hit on each other. The end.
Do you engage in uniform and role play?
• No. What on earth? 12%
• I tried it once and it was kind of embarrassing for both of us. 4%
• Every now and then it’s good to pretend you’re strangers. 31%
• Yes. I give Comic-Con a run for its money. 7%
• No, but I would be open to trying. 46%
You told us…
• "Naked is the best uniform." • "A French maid. It was awesome - my boyfriend loved it." • "Alice In Wonderland is always fun." • "Dinosaur and terrorist." • "Does fucking a real police officer count??"
Who is the sexiest famous person or your biggest celebrity crush? Tell us who gets your blood pumping and why.
• Ryan Gosling because he’s Ryan Gosling.
• Leonard Cohen because he’s Leonard Cohen.
• Eva Mendes, Salma Hayek, Penélope Cruz. I guess I have a type.
• Zach Galifianakis. Funny, sexy and weird – all turn-ons for me.
• Nick Cave. Mental and physical, he’s got it all (though the physical I’d prefer about 10 to 15 years ago).
• Sarah Polley. Smart, sexy, talented, Canadian.
• Jennifer Lawrence. Those lips.
• Rachel Maddow! Kapow!!
• Kevin Smith. Hot, funny and creative. The geek trifecta.
• Ursula Andress, simply because of how she walked out of the water in Bond.
Sex mishaps and accidents? Please tell us about the horrible things that have happened to you during sexual encounters, and spare no details. We’re sympathetic.
• Lost condoms. They’re the worst.
• Using a chair as an aid during a lap dance. It broke during the most intimate moment.
• Does finding a lube handprint on the wall where your wedding picture usually hangs but was taken down during a sex party count?
• Twice in a month I felt rather intense heat while my boyfriend was fingering me. The second time it got so intense that I had to stop him. Sheepishly, he reminded me that he had been chopping jalapeños a few hours earlier, and although he’d washed his hands, he must still have had oils under his nails.
• He is now required to wear rubber gloves while chopping jalapeños!
• One morning I started jerking off my boyfriend while we were in bed. When my cat saw my hand moving under the covers, he thought I was playing a game and pounced with all his claws out. My boyfriend’s howl of pain was three octaves higher than normal!
• I was drunk, and things were heating up with this really hot guy. We were naked, and I was ready to go, so I told him I wanted him inside. He already was. Eeeps. Talk about awkward.
• He started crying – honest tears and sobs – then went on about how he still missed his ex-girlfriend. Yes, I ran. Fast!
