Dear Sasha,
I’m obsessed with masturbation – almost as much as with sex. It doesn’t interfere with my day-to-day life, but when I’m home I love a good whack… or three or four.
Anyway, I’ve always been curious about the idea of group masturbation. However, it seems impossible to find any active groups in the city. Do you know of any?
Spanks Very Much
Dear Spanks,
As a male, you have access to informal masturbation clubs (circle jerks, as they have been known since time immemorial) almost 24 hours a day at bathhouses and in the small backroom porn theatres at the adult video stores on and around Yonge Street.
One of my favourites: Loft 18+ Cinemas at 375 Yonge. I can’t recommend Loft 18+ enough for adventurous singles and couples. Anyone in the midst of discussing public/porny activity with a girlfriend or wife should earmark this as a spot to visit: it is the cleanest of the bunch and also affords the most options in terms of public, semi-public and private areas.
Upstairs are half a dozen mini theatres with a little something for nearly everybody, and downstairs is a wondrous hamster maze of private booths. Men will stand in the doorways languidly or urgently, waiting for a friend to join them. It is always advisable to bring a covering for the faux leather sofas if you plan a trip with finicky friends. Try to avert your eyes from the semen-lashed walls once the light of the television screen goes on, if you find that sort of decorative accent jarring.
For convenience, you can purchase a card that gets you access into all the turnstiled areas, but be sure to have plenty of toonies as well.
Here is a bit of gay-guy-focused info on Loft 18+.
I did a quick bike by Flash Jerk on Yonge today since it’s been on the verge of closing for a couple of years and is occasionally inaccessible by phone. I’m sad to report that it has, indeed, closed its filthy doors and has been taken over by an Indian and Thai buffet. RIP Flash Jack. I had some good times squinting and stumbling around in your rattan-chaired back room, bumping into sweaty fellows pulling their dongs.
Perhaps, Spanks, you are looking for something that guarantees more of a gender mix – a Jack-and-Jill-off. I often mention fetlife.com as an excellent source for nonconformist sexual proclivities and activities. Fetlife has 130 groups that are either devoted entirely to masturbation or include masturbation as a sub-interest. You’re free to start one of your own as well, should you choose to join.
Blow (Chunks) Job
Dear Sasha,
My boyfriend likes me to suck his cock and deep-throat him so hard that I throw up. He gets off on me puking on his dick. It doesn’t bug me – I mean I don’t get all turned on by it – and it is a special treat because it does hurt, but I have a concern: I’ve heard that anorexics burn the enamel off their teeth and fuck up their esophagus from the acid in the puke. Is either of us in any danger of any crazy thing from doing this?
Gag Me With a Schlong
Dear Gag Me,
I have to admit, there are some questions that even I am self-conscious taking to medical professionals, and this one has gone unanswered by the few I did very sheepishly send it to. “Oh hi, doc. Listen, there’s this trend in porn that involves gagging your co-star with your cock so hard she pukes. Looks like it’s starting to take off in the civilian population. Any tips on how to make this as safe as possible?”
According to all information available on the physiological effects of bulimia (anorexics don’t puke their food up they just don’t eat), excessive vomiting does fuck up your throat and strip the enamel off your teeth. So, yes, this should be a special-treat kind of sex act – maybe something you do on a bi-monthly basis rather than every day.
And be sure to soothe your throat afterwards with some warm water and a little honey.
Dear Sasha,
I know women are always being told that they should embrace the smell of their vagina, and my doctor says there’s nothing unusual going on in mine – no infections or anything. But I’m still kind of sketched out by the smell. Yes, I’m one of those people accused of OCD (love hand sanitizer and Clorox wipes), and I know that I have to get past that.
The thing is, I really want to try oral sex (I’m 24 and haven’t done it yet), but I’m too shy to let my boyfriend go down on me. He says he doesn’t care, and it’s true, he seems completely cool about everything: my period, farts, all that stuff. But I need to be comfortable while he’s got his face between my legs.
Despite my obsession with chemical sanitizers, I don’t want to put anything unnatural in me to enhance the experience. I also know that anything like whipped cream might be a problem for yeast infections because of the sugar. Do you have any recommendations for scented products? Please don’t get all up in my face about this. I already know it’s not cool to be ashamed of your vagina.
Smell The Magic
Dear Smell,
I am so sorry if I contributed in any way to your shame around not being allowed to feel shame about your vagina. The early-to-late 90s were heady times for vaginal politics we were all on an anti-douching, anti-flavoured-lubricant rampage. I recall doing some spoken word in a club in Montreal that ended with me yelling that my vagina was not a flower, while at the same time advocating for my right to shave it bare.
There was a reason for all this militancy, though, strident as some of it was. Commercial douches were and still are really shitty, and most flavoured lubricants were full of sugar and pretty harsh chemicals.
Luckily, products have been upgraded to reflect our earth-loving times, and you have safer options if you need, for your personal comfort, your vagina to smell more like a cocktail than a cunt… tail.
The nicest flavoured and scented lubricant I’ve come across recently is the Pina Colada version of Aloe Cadabra. It’s sweetened with stevia, so you can chill out about the yeast infection business and just lay back while your boyfriend takes a low-cal trip to the islands. Hands up, baby, hands up, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme your heart, gimme, gimme….
