You hate Valentine’s Day. You see it for the corporate money grab it is. The theory that Hallmark invented it to cover that long stretch between Christmas and Easter is totally plausible to you. You sneer at well-dressed people holding roses on the streetcar. They clearly have somewhere to go and someone special to meet. You don’t have either, and you’re half past caring whether that makes you a “strong” and “independent” person or not. February 14 is horrible. Rage with the like-minded at these anti-Valentine’s Day events.
Quizdamonium’s Anti-Valentine’s Day Trivia Night
With a ban on love, sex and relationship questions, you should ace this edition of the monthly quiz night. Team sizes are limited to six. Planning on showing up alone? Of course you are. Event organizers will find you a spot on an existing team or group you with other single attendees. No experience (dating or quizzing) required.
February 14 at The Social Capital Theatre (154 Danforth), 8 pm, $2. See listing for details.
Tinder Tales: A Not-So-Valentine’s Show
Online dating apps have confirmed that there is, in fact, plenty of fish in the sea. Unfortunately, you’ve been catching more tin cans and other ocean trash than fish in the past few years. The storytellers and comedians at this stand-up night can relate. They’ll share anecdotes about why they suck at love and are still single. You’ll laugh and then possibly cry in your drink towards the end of the night.
February 14 at The Rec Room (255 Bremner), 8 pm, $15 at the door, $10 advanced. See listing for details.
Anti-Valentine’s Day Party
This bash at boutique sex shop The Nookie describes itself as a celebration of “love in its many (cupid can go f*ck himself) forms.” The focus here is on self-love: get your portrait sketched in a life drawing session with Alexandra Lord and Michelle Tracey eat vulva cupcakes by Mistry & Co. Cakes or write yourself a love letter (always more beneficial than texting hate to your ex). There’s also a 10 per cent storewide discount all evening.
February 14 at The Nookie (827 College), 8 pm, free. See Facebook for details.
Valentine’s Day Bitter Onion
DJs Conway Clitty and Mr. Steven spin a musical journey of contempt, disgust and probably some Tom Jones. No kissing and no Tinderers allowed, so this party is for the staunchly single (or those couples who know how to restrain themselves in mixed company).
February 14 at Lucky Shrike Bar (850 Dundas W), 10 pm, free. See Facebook for details.
The Worst Thing I Could Be (Is Happy)
This play isn’t expressly about Valentine’s, but it is about positive feelings, which is at the heart of why you despise the day so much. Part of the 39th Rhubarb Festival, the new work features four performers exploring the politics of feelings in a culture obsessed with positive thinking.
February 14-18 at Buddies in Bad Times Theatre (12 Alexander), 8 pm, $20. See website for details.
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