Heart Attack!

Rating: NNNNNAre you tired of the consumerist onslaught of love love love every February? Are you going to choke if.

Rating: NNNNN

Are you tired of the consumerist onslaught of love love love every February? Are you going to choke if you see one more godforsaken heart? Good! Here are some more. Happy VD!

For the busted-hearted, Yasmine Louis’s slinky satin pillow asks the question, “Will I Ever Dance Again?” (1, Proud Canadian Designs, 207 Queen’s Quay West, 416-203-7773, $40). Perfect for crying into and saying repeatedly, “I’m so glad I kept that jerk’s CDs! I’m so glad I kept that jerk’s CDs!”

To weigh down all the VD cards you get, pick up a handy “love” paperweight (2, Pottery Barn, Eaton Centre, 416-597-0880 and Yorkdale, 416-785-1233 $11.99). Or serve up a little lovin’ with these hearty plates (3, Pottery Barn, $29.99) while delicately stirring your aphrodisiac cocktails with these heart-topped glass swizzle sticks (9, Pottery Barn, $7.50).

And it won’t be the holiday o’ hoochie until you start prancing around in your handy heart-covered chemise from Havana Lingerie (4, Nearly Naked Lingerie, 749 Queen West, 416-703-7561, $36). If you want to go traditional, pick your love kitten up a sterling silver heart-shaped pillbox for all her love drugs (5, Birks, Eaton Centre, and others, $80). For a pre-Valentine’s scrub-down, lather up with flirty soaps by Upper Canada (6, Red Pegasus, 626 College, 416-536-3872, $5) after you toss your oh-so-sexy Valentine’s robe on this groovy steel heart coat rack (7, Zing Home, 293 Palmerston, 416-251-6162, $48). Bring the love into your shag pad with these roguish rugs (8, Urban Outfitters, 235 Yonge, 416-214-1466, $32). For apres-makeout snuggling, slip on some love-letter loungewear (10, Nearly Naked Lingerie, top $26, bottoms $26). And finally, a heart-shaped kibble bowl for man’s best friend. Because, you know, if you can’t get a date, you can always get a dog (11, Old Navy, Eaton Centre, and others, $12).

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