This is a public service announcement for all the young ladies out there who think with their hearts and not with their heads. Don't let this happen to you.
"Listen, muthafucka! I need the baby's daycare money. That's all I ever ask of you any more. What the fuck you mean you don't have it? Nigga, you don't do anything else for this child. All I ask is you come with $60 a week for our son's daycare, and you can't even do that. Who you calling a bitch? When's the last time you saw him? Do you know that he 20 months old now?"
The above comments are pretty much my average telephone conversation with my son's father. Ladies and gentlemen, I'm talking about a man who has not one but two kids. Ask him the last time he's seen either of them.
I was fortunate enough to be baby mother number two. Yeah, right!
You'd think I would have learned from his first baby mother's experience. But I didn't. I believed everything he told me. "It's her fault. She will not let me see my son. She's crazy."
I was young, dumb and in love. I gave him all I had and all I was. I changed myself to fit his insecurities. I paid for everything in the beginning of our relationship. I bought him clothes, shoes, lunch, dinner, breakfast, whatever.
I gave him my car. He crashed it. My parents paid the $3,000 to fix it. He has yet to pay them back in full, and it's been two years.
I gave up spending time with my friends for that fool. I neglected my education, y'all, my education at York University, to be with this guy.
No man who truly loves his lady would allow her to throw away her education. I enrolled at York in the year 2000 and am currently in my second year.
I gave up who I was to suit him. I lived in isolation because that made him comfortable. I cannot count how many weekends I practically lived in his room just to catch some of his time. He always felt like some man was just waiting to take me from him. He was so very insecure.
To combat that, I did all I could not to make him feel that way. For example, I would talk to him on the phone during all my breaks at work or school. The reason: so no man could talk to me when he wasn't present. If I did visit my friends, he'd call my cellphone and ask to speak with my friend to make sure I was there. He'd call my house 10 times a day to make sure I was there, too.
Later in our relationship, we had our son. Now, for those who don't know, whenever children are introduced into a relationship, it goes to a whole new level. A lot more is expected from both parties. In our case, my baby father already was not the greatest boyfriend. So why the hell did I expect him to be the world's best father? Because he said he'd be.
I believed him. I was still very much in love and believed anything he told me.
One month after our son's first birthday, I had to ask him to leave. He wasn't helping with anything. If I didn't make dinner, he wouldn't eat. If I didn't do his laundry, he didn't have clean clothes. If I didn't clean up after him, we'd live in a pigpen. If I didn't take care of our son, he'd be an orphan. There was simply no reason for me to keep this man in my life as my lover.
I'll never forget the day I told him it was over, February 21, 2004, 3:05 pm. He was in the driver's seat of my car, and I got into the passenger side. I had just stepped out of my workplace. On Saturdays I usually drove myself home, but on this day he had to pick me up because my car hadn't been in the driveway when I went to work that morning.
Only God knows what he was doing with my car all night and morning long. All I knew was that my car was not there. My father had to drive me to work. I simply asked for my car keys, my house key and told him to pick his things up the next day. I'd had enough.
I've never met somebody so unreliable, dishonest, unreasonable, insecure, immature and self-centred in all my life. I cannot believe I fell in love with somebody like that. I cannot believe I chose him to be the father of my child. Yeah, he made me laugh. I gave him my virginity. I guess that all meant nothing to him, because of the way he treated me. I realize he never deserved me. I can do soooo much better.
Young, naive women, your boyfriend may say he loves you, but make sure he shows he loves you. I've compiled six sure reasons to leave your loser of a boyfriend.
1. He has children and is not taking care of them.
2. You're paying for everything.
3. You feel like you would do anything and everything for him, yet it's not being reciprocated.
4. He's insecure.
5. He has no ambition.
6. He's the only reason for your happiness. And on that note, take care of yourself. If you don't, who the fuck will?