Your burning love and sex questions answered

We asked readers to take a stab at all of your burning questions, from how to curb jealousy to entering the swingers scene. Here are the top answers

I’m a bisexual woman in a relationship with a man, and I miss having sex with women. Should I propose having an open relationship, or will that just ruin the one I’m in?

If you need sex with a woman, it is only fair to let your male partner know and for you to propose a solution. If he disagrees, he may not be the one for you. Also be aware that “open” means both ways. He may want to have sex with other women (or men) as well.

Anyone in any relationship may miss having sex with other people. I don’t think an open relationship is the solution just based on bisexuality, but maybe an option to fulfilling sexual desires outside of the relationship.

No one has ever rejected a threesome.

If he truly loves you, then your relationship won’t be threatened by sex. You can tell him that you miss having sex with women in a way that is sensitive to his feelings, and that it would just be physical so he has nothing to worry about.

Screw that guy, get what you want and open your relationship. Besides, sex with women as a woman is way hotter and better, and your dude should respect your choices and desires.

What’s a normal amount of eye contact during sex? I want to seem present but not creepy.

If your partner looks away awkwardly, you’re probably staring too long.

If you are bothered about that when having sex, you are having wrestling match, not sex.

f you’re asking this question, you’re making too much eye contact.

Treat it like the sun: look but don’t stare.

Too much eye contact is better than none at the end of the day. There are other ways to be “present” without staring into their soul: saying their name, whispering and kissing.

How do you curb jealousy while in an open relationship?

If you’re in a mutually agreed upon open relationship, you should trust your partner.

Remember that love is only additive, it never subtracts. Just because your partner gives love to another person, doesn’t mean it takes any of your love away.

Communication is key. Talking about how you’re feeling insecure and why. Talking about why you are feeling possessive is important.

Jealousy isn’t something you can completely curb when you love someone, but confidence is key and believing in yourself and that the person is with you for a reason helps.

Make sure your life is full of hobbies, friends and interests. That will keep you occupied and your life satisfying and keep you interesting to your partner.

Absolutely. If you both want drastically different things for your future then it will just get messy down the road.

What’s the secret to keeping your sex life exciting after many years of monogamy?

Keep exploring your sexuality. Try out some kinks and fetishes. Encourage each other. People change – what they enjoy changes, too. Be open. No shaming.

Do not schedule sex, but make sure it happens often and in unusual circumstances.

Never stop trying new things. Try things that are super weird, even just to have a laugh about it. Have sex in new places. Explore parts of each other’s bodies you’ve never explored before.

Make the same effort that you did when you were dating. Sex is not a given. 

Good communication! People’s likes and dislikes change over time and so should your sex life.

How can a heterosexual couple tap into the swinging scene without going to a swingers club?

Invite friends over and see what happens as you bring up swinging.

Online forums are great, but you’d be surprised with what the people close to you might be into. Ask your friends.

Go to a bar and see if you can pick up another couple. As long as you aren’t creepy about it, they will likely just be flattered or intrigued.

Make an online profile looking for singles or couples who want to date couples. 

Oasis isn’t technically a swingers club. They have specific times/dates for people new to the scene. You don’t have to really talk to anyone if you don’t feel like it. If you don’t feel comfortable, you can just watch at first.

How can a woman learn to squirt during orgasm?

Drink lots of water and hope your partner is into golden showers. 

Practise and use toys designed to help.

Stay hydrated and learn about your G spot (it 100% does exist!).

It’s just letting go of your inhibitions. Also, vigorous fingering can help. 

Not everyone can “learn” to squirt on demand. Each body is unique. It’s really about the journey, not the destination.

How do you negotiate finding a person for a threesome when you  can’t agree on whom you find attractive?

You keep looking. In the meantime, your partner gets to choose, then you get to choose. Give and take.

Be open to new ideas of attractive. Be flexible.

Mention key attributes that you each want in your guest star, and what it is you each want out of the situation, and then seek out someone who matches up as best possible.

Sounds like one of you just isn’t that into the idea of a threesome

Incorporate voyeurism, exhibitionism and turn-taking. If you find a person you’re attracted to, have sex with them while your partner watches, and have sex with your partner while the third watches. 

I’ve started dating someone with a different gender identity than I’m used to. I’m considerably open-minded, but I still have reservations. Is there a way to educate myself so that I don’t embarrass myself?

The 519 is a great resource.

Ask questions. A sensitive partner will be happy to help you along. A jerk will make you feel embarrassed.

Don’t make your partner do the work for you. There are so many great resources online, and it’s your responsibility to educate yourself!

Just be honest. If they can’t handle your questions, then they aren’t the one to be in a relationship with.

Be honest and ask them questions rather than trying to educate yourself. I’m sure they’re used to questions and people not completely understanding and would welcome educating you rather than you getting the wrong information from somewhere else.

I don’t want to have children, but my partner does. Should I consider ending my relationship on the basis that our future goals won’t be compatible?

How entrenched are each of you in your positions? One of you might change your minds if that’s unlikely, ending the relationship might be best for both of you.

Having kids is a deal-breaker for most people. You don’t have to break up now, but know that at some point one of you will either have to change their position on this or you will have to break up. There’s no middle ground.

Is your partner your soulmate? If yes, consider the possibility of children.

Consider raising a pet or a plant with them.

How long should you wait before saying “I love you?”

Whenever you feel like saying it, as long as it’s how you feel and not because you want to reciprocate.

Until after you both have cum.

Until you know their middle name, where they grew up and what they look like dressed up and down.

When you feel it, but maybe not on the first date.

Wait until what you mean is, “I see the shitty parts of you and choose to stay supporting you by your side regardless.”

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