One night in my 20th year, a boyfriend and I found ourselves silly drunk and sucking face with another young couple. The scenario was entirely unplanned and took place after one of our house parties had broken up. Kathy, the female half of the married couple, started the activities by massaging my neck. Her soft, small hands felt deliciously different as they kneaded my shoulders. She pressed her pelvis against my back and ground slightly as I moaned in ecstasy. This was long before I had any experiences with other women. Both my boyfriend and her husband looked on like hungry wolves as she worked her magic.
Soon she was straddling me and kissing me. My hands over-eagerly found their way to her pert breasts. I took her kisses and swallowed them whole. The men slowly moved in and began caressing and kissing us. Pretty soon, the entire group was naked, licking and touching. I kissed my boyfriend as he fucked Kathy. Chris, the husband, pleasured me. We switched positions multiple times before we were all satisfied and Kathy and Chris made their way to the guest bedroom.
The next morning was slightly awkward but without pressure. We talked and laughed over coffee before my boyfriend and I were alone to discuss what happened. My boyfriend was titillated. He wanted to do it again, but I was still reeling from the experience. I was far too young and insecure to be enticed by a swinging lifestyle.
Ten years and a couple of relationships later, I am in a healthy, happy, absolutely secure and loving relationship. My partner and I are both incredibly turned on by each other and neither of us has ever been in a more sexually fulfilling relationship. We have made a complete commitment to each other and look forward to growing old together.
That is why we love to swing.
My partner and I share an exceptionally deep level of trust. Neither of us would tolerate cheating. The swinging lifestyle is not about having the opportunity to fuck around with others. It's about enhancing our own sex life and deepening that trust. It may be difficult to imagine, but encouraging my partner to experience pleasure with another woman feels selfless and caring.
However, it's not just about selfless love and providing pleasure. I'm a pervert. I proudly admit it. I am a voyeur, an exhibitionist, sexually attracted to women, and I get off watching the man I love act like a slut. In return, he gets to be the voyeur and the exhibitionist, fulfills that threesome (foursome, orgy) fantasy that many men only dream about and experiences a little variety to spice up his own imagination. In the end, we are hotter for each other as a result
Everybody in the swinging lifestyle does it for different reasons. Some come out because she likes to be "put on the spit" or has a gang bang fantasy. Some get into it because of her bisexual tendencies. Others do it because the man is an insatiable sex machine. Sometimes both partners are bisexual (however, few admit it at the clubs). There are couples with rules (no kissing, no full-swapping, anal only) and others with no boundaries. We have been privy to scenes only found in the adult section of the video store. There are couples who only watch and others who get the ball rolling.
The couples range from young (early 20s) to middle-aged (50s), beautiful to ugly, fit to fat, urban to suburban to rural - one party may be a smorgasbord of eye candy (and mouth candy to the participants) and the next party could produce no hard-on whatsoever.
Either way, entertainment is always provided, and whatever the level of participation, the results are usually fodder for the core relationship.
Public swingers' clubs are good ways to explore the lifestyle. Our personal favourite is Club Privé (www.club-prive.com), the largest swingers club in Canada. They hold public dances twice every weekend and special events throughout the year. There is no sex allowed on-premises, but things get pretty heated. It's a good way to scan the crowd and feel out the scene.
When you are ready to go all the way, you can either check out the personals (on the Web site again), pick up another couple at the club and take them home, or you might get lucky and be invited to a private party.
The private parties are where you will find the smorgasbords. Again, though, there is no pressure to participate. Everyone is respectful, safe and easy going.
How far you go is up to you. If all of this is too advanced for your tastes, I suggest trying out one of their Sexual Discovery evenings, which is set up like a course, complete with handouts and a question period.
I have always experienced a high sex drive, but since my partner and I have joined a swingers club, I can't get enough. Many other couples talk about their awakened senses as well. It's interesting how an ostensible act of infidelity can actually bring a couple closer together. As one couple told us, "We fuck all night with other couples here, but when we get home we are more turned on than ever, so we fuck again."
At the very least, it's good therapy for any insecurity in a relationship. There's nothing like watching your lover get a blow job while he stares at you with love and affection to eradicates those jealous demons.
When the exploration is consensual, it's like foreplay for lovers. People should encourage pleasure in those they love while they explore their own. Responsible hedonism is the wave of the future and a very healthy approach to life.
Remember that couples who play together stay together, and when playtime involves multiple orgasms, it's always worth a try. Happy swinging!
Miss Rogue is a pseudonym.