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The lesbo porn I crave

Rating: NNNNN


I recently had the – uh – pleasure of watching Sugar High, Glitter City. This was my first exposure to lesbian porn produced for a lesbian audience. When I first came out, I spent long nights downloading the results of a Web search for the words “lesbian pornography.” Most hits featured women with boob jobs, long painted fingernails and bleach-blond hair.

I watched these “made for men” pornos hoping to learn the tricks of the trade in a brave new world of lesbian sex. As a lesbian virgin, I wondered, Is there always a man watching this girl-on-girl sex with a hard-on in his grasp?

But, sure enough, my first lesbian sexual experience was all about the mutual exchange of pleasure, what we both wanted to do, and no video could ever have taught me otherwise.

Though no longer so inexperienced, I haven’t tried everything (yet), and eagerly walking home with my lesbian porn and a tube of lube (you know, just in case), I was thrilled at the chance to learn by watching the pros in action.

As a graduate of a women’s studies program, I’ve deconstructed pornography and written countless critical essays about the denigration of women. I consider myself an expert in the field, but my 30-grand diploma hasn’t discouraged me from watching porn. I thought about how different lesbian porn might be, compared to the rest.

But in Sugar High, Glitter City, the women who were top or butch all had hard “cocks.” The bottoms were always femmes who wanted to get “fucked” with “dicks.” Even the dialogue was totally hetero. I think I heard three phrases throughout the film: “Yeah, you like my hard cock,” “You want my hard cock in you?” and “Suck on my cock.”

Well, it made me wet in the end and helped me along toward an orgasmic masturbation experience. But all porn does that.

The message of this film was that bottoms don’t come, but they do wince from the sheer intensity of the tops’ hard work, and they do repeatedly scream, “Fuck, oh, fuuuuck.” So harsh, so… not loving like I thought it would be.

I was expecting gentleness, body licks, neck kisses, massages, oral massages. That’s what I did in my own sexual encounters with women, though I suppose if a future lover wants me to strap on a dildo and fuck her really hard, I would oblige. (I always aim to please.)

Besides getting me off and confusing me more about where and how I fit into the lesbian sexual world, watching Sugar High, Glitter City has inspired me. Along with my women’s studies degree, I also have a film school diploma.

From a filmmaker’s point of view, I give this film credit for reproducing classic 70s porn music with a kind of present-day electronic style. It has interesting camera angles, and even the acting is better than most of the laughably bad porn I’ve seen.

Still, I believe that I, the almost beginner-level queer “sexpert,” could make a better film. Every queer woman has been to a potluck. That would be my central theme.

All the queer girl types would be invited. Yes, there are cute butches who have caught my eye, and even more hot femmes – Sugar High, Glitter City didn’t turn me off those overt labels. I just feel more diversity is needed. So my cast would also include a couple of tomboys, some jocks, a femme in a schoolgirl’s dress and, of course, women who don’t like to categorize themselves, myself included. (Hey, maybe I’ll even star in it!)

Now for the hot action: there’s the flirting, the game of naked Twister, the gossipy sharing of dirty stories that the gals are just dying to act out, and let’s not forget the food.

Oh, there’s just so much we can do with food!

Chocolate fondue body painting, eating the sushi off our naked schoolgirl femme, and, for our “fucking” pleasure, there’s that leftover cucumber. I’m imagining it right now, and it’s making me hot.

So I invite the producers of Sugar High, Glitter City to make a film that gets me off and is inclusive of all queer women. And, incidentally, I’d be happy to direct.

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