Taking a carrot in the ass.
To wear riding boots during sex. Like, actual equestrian riding boots.
To dress up like Trinity from The Matrix.
To call my boyfriend by his full name (he goes by a short form normally) when talking to him in bed.
When I was a sex worker, someone asked if I would let his dog fuck me. I said no. Another time, a guy offered me extra money to give him a blow job while wearing green lipstick. I said yes.
Someone wanted to hold me at knifepoint after a first date. NOPE. I also had a wonderful experience in a cottage in the British countryside with a reputable actor who was more than twice my age and with whom I was madly in love. He lived in a converted stable. I was tied to the ceiling and blindfolded. So good.
I was once asked to recite some Richard III during intercourse.
“Can I clean your apartment while you ignore me?”
To fuck a bicycle. Which I then did.
Oh, just pee.
Farting on demand.
“Wet your fingers and stick them in my ears and move them around.”
“Leave all your clothes on.”
I once found myself with an Australian comedian who loved using his tongue pretty much everywhere except where I wanted it. He was also mega-hardcore Catholic (he had Jesus and St. Stephen hanging around his neck), which was a first for me. That night shall live in infamy as the night I was Catholicked from head to toe. It was also the first time I found myself in bed with more than one man.
The guy who wanted to put on Bach.
To eat nachos and watch sports while being blown. I was asked to be disrespectful. I complained about the nachos quite a bit.
I was asked if I would like to be choked. Turns out I do!
Pretend to be German.
Wear granny panties.
To wear the gold American Apparel leotard as a “horny Xmas elf.”
To wear red lipstick and high-heeled shoes, nothing else.
Can you just cum in me so I can have your kids? Don’t worry, you won’t have to pay child support.”
Some guy in a Kentucky Fried Chicken once begged me to kick him in the nuts.
All he wanted was to cum on my feet. No more, no less.
“Can I eat Nutella off your body?”
To have sex with our town mayor.
“Wrap me in plastic wrap and pour pudding on me.”
“Hit me with a VCR.”
Polite request from a stranger via OkCupid asking that I shit on him.
