Texting in movie theatres is like farting in an elevator: nobody likes it, but people keep rationalizing it if they personally need to do it. In both cases, those people are wrong.
Because it’s coming around again, thanks to the new CEO of AMC Theaters giving an interview to Variety where he tried to seem hip and cool and willing to coddle millennials who might slip into a vegetative state if they had to put their phones away for the length of Batman V Superman: Friends With Benefits, I provide the following message as a public service.
Don’t.
Just don’t.
Whatever you were going to tweet can’t be that important.
Put your phone away.
No, seriously, put it away. Your phone is a flashlight and everyone around you can see it. It’s a distraction from the movie we’re all watching.
What are you, an asshole? This movie’s in 3D, your Instagram will look terrible.
Look, I’m sure you’re a nice person and you’re fun to be around. But you know you’re not in your goddamn living room, right? Put your phone away. Everyone else is watching the movie, because we all bought tickets and understand the purpose of an auditorium. Put your phone away. Put it away. Put it away now.
No one else has said anything – yet – but you know everyone else is annoyed too, right? That guy over there is about 30 seconds from dumping a bag of old floor popcorn on you, and trust me on this: fake butter never comes out of suede. Put your phone away. It’s going to end badly.
Look, people are selfish. There’s always going to be some jerk who thinks he (or she) can sneak out his (or her) phone real quick-like in a movie and not bother anybody. There are also people who think they’re whispering when they start yammering to their friend about how badass Ben Affleck is as Batman and they really hope he and Superman can be pals at the end of this. Those people are not whispering, and your phone’s screen is an annoyance. Put your phone away.
When Adam Aron says he’s considering texting sections in AMC theatres – because “You can’t tell a 22-year-old to turn off their cell phone. That’s not how they live their life”, what he’s really saying is he’s willing to do literally anything that’ll stop entitled millennials from downloading movies at home and killing his business model.
Me, personally? I would pay an extra buck for an experience that was guaranteed phone-free – but that’s equally unlikely to happen, because people who are oblivious and entitled will buy a ticket for that screening without considering (or observing) the restrictions.
Thoughts? Comments? Leave ’em below. But if I catch you replying to this from a phone in a movie theatre, we’re gonna have an uncomfortable moment.
normw@nowtoronto.com | @normwilner
