FRIDAY THE 13TH (New Line, 2009) D: Marcus Nispel, w/ Derek Mears, Amanda Righetti. Rating: NNN DVD package: n/a Rating: NNN
Forget horror. This is comfort food for the overstimulated. It competently delivers exactly what you expect when you expect it: iconic shots of the hockey-masked slasher, teens smoking dope and fucking, bladed instruments going into body parts, and occasional gore, all delivered with the time-tested loud noises, crazy angles and shock cuts at the killings.
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It’s fun, but not at all scary. How could it be? A dozen sequels and a thousand imitations have turned the original leap into the cinematic wilderness into a stroll in the park.
The first Friday The 13th, which didn’t feature slasher Jason, gets covered in the opening five minutes with backstory and a beheading. Flash forward to the near present when a group of teens wanders into derelict Camp Crystal Lake to get turned into sushi, then flash to the immediate present when another teen clique and a guy looking for his missing sister show up. The smart structure keeps the killings coming, 13 of them, just like you’d expect.
This is a bare-bones edition, but given the series’ popularity, I’ll bet there’s an extras-laden deluxe one waiting in the wings.
EXTRAS Digital copy. Widescreen. English, French audio. English, French, Spanish subtitles.