MOTHERS DAY (Garry Marshall). 118 minutes. Opens Friday (April 29). See listing. Rating: N
If youre wondering how director Garry Marshall can keep slapping together atrocious Hallmark movies like Valentines Day and New Years Eve, its because those omnibus affairs turn an enviable profit, as will Mothers Day. And it will be your fault.
The people behind this movie are hoping youll forget to arrange that spa day, brunch reservation or sweet personalized tribute for the woman who gave you life. Theyre counting on your guilt-ridden, last-minute scramble, during which youll discover this movie, named after the very occasion youre supposed to be celebrating.
Theyre depending on your apathy, which means you shouldnt mind spending two hours watching Jennifer Aniston, Julia Roberts and Kate Hudson deal with issues that kind of sound like things mothers deal with but look and feel nothing like them.
They expect you to call this movie progressive for featuring a biracial and lesbian couple, and to ignore the fact that those inclusive subplots are more offensive than anything else in the movie. On that same note, they want you to praise the shit out of that token black character, in a movie set in Atlanta, where blacks outnumber whites by no small margin Georgias film tax credits must be incentive to lure more white people into the city.
Theyre betting youll laugh at the atrocious jokes when the laugh track tells you to (yes, it kind of has one), pretend to be warm and fuzzy after the unfathomable characters perseverance leaves you feeling dead inside and resist complaining because it only looks bad on you if you acknowledge how horrible your Mothers Day gift really is.
Theyre also counting on your poor mother to look pleased with her childs movie choice, because thats the kind of woman she is.
