How Far Is Tattoo Far? (MTV)
The mere premise of this MTV reality show, hosted by Jersey Shore’s Snooki Polizzi and model/actor Nico Tortorella, spells disaster: two people – usually friends, siblings or couples – design tattoos and choose the placement for one another without knowing what it’ll look like. Yet somehow the results are even worse than you could imagine. It’s supposed to be an exercise in trust, but it just feels sadist. How else do you explain why a sister would choose to tattoo a devil over her brother’s crotch? Or why someone would put a cupid shooting a veiny condom on their friend’s arm? Ninety-nine per cent of the designs are disturbing, Polizzi and Tortorella lack chemistry and conspiracy theorists claim the tattoos are fake. For everyone’s sake, here’s hoping they are.
Samantha Edwards
Crawford (CBC)
Given the sheer talent on hand – a cast including John Carroll Lynch, Jill Hennessy, Alice Moran, Kyle Mac, Daniel Davis Yang, Steven McCarthy and Kelly McCormack, a writing staff boasting Monica Heisey, Zoe Whittall and Kathleen Phillips – CBC’s ensemble comedy from Trailer Park Boys creator Mike Clattenburg and Mike O’Neill should have been a lot funnier. Or even a little bit funny. Instead, the show about “a highly functional dysfunctional family” just lurches from one idea to another, stacking up character quirks without ever finding the laughs.
Norman Wilner
Camping (HBO Canada)
Lena Dunham and Jenni Konner’s remake of a Julia Davis series never evolves beyond its cynical and condescending premise: a group of insufferable people take a camping trip together. The show has moments of wit and a crazy talented ensemble cast that includes Jennifer Garner, David Tennant and a wildly amusing Juliette Lewis. Some elements make me want to be kinder to this series – like how Dunham writes her own physical and mental health issues into Garner’s character. But if there’s a lesson to be learned from the cruel and selfish ways the characters in this show interact, it’s that kindness has no place here.
Radheyan Simonpillai
All About The Washingtons (Netflix)
The Washingtons is a one-dimensional, trope-filled family sitcom based on 80s hip-hop icon Rev Run of Run-DMC and his family. He’s a middle-aged dad having a very hard time transitioning out of the music industry, while his wife, Justine, is trying to have her turn at running a business. In real life they’re cool as individuals, but the show’s main source of tension relies on Justine’s parenting skills trumping his, because she’s been at it longer. Skip this shallowness and watch reruns of their MTV reality show Run’s House instead.
Rachna Raj Kaur
Roseanne (CTV)
Two decades after the hit ABC series ended, the prospect of more Roseanne seemed like a no-brainer: with America more politically and culturally divided than ever, surely the plain-talking Conner family would resonate with viewers. But rather than bridging divides and understanding working-class dissatisfaction, the reboot became the show where Roseanne Barr – not Roseanne Conner – could parade around as a proud Trump supporter who always got the last word. (Laurie Metcalf’s Jackie was reintroduced as a shrill, pussy hat-wearing Jill Stein supporter, selling out a decade of character growth.) Ratings aside, it was terrible TV – and Barr became so toxic ABC cut her loose and killed off her character, relaunching the series as The Conners. It helped.
NW
Tina Rowden/Netflix
Insatiable (Netflix)
Before this dark comedy series even premiered, it had already sparked a petition with more than 100,000 signatures demanding Netflix cancel it for promoting fat shaming. Indeed, Insatiable follows Patty Bladell (Debby Ryan, in a terrible fat suit), who after years of being bullied for her weight, suddenly gets very skinny – and consequently very good looking – and vows revenge on her tormentors. The show claims it’s a satire and in on all the offensive jokes spewed throughout its 12 episodes. In actuality, Insatiable just revels in tired stereotypes about fat people. It’s been renewed for a second season, but there’s no redeeming this train wreck.
SE
Katie Yu/The CW
Riverdale (Netflix)
There’s a moment in season three of this sexy teen Archie soap that will have you screaming at your screen. Archie is in juvie, playing a high-stakes game of football in the yard to escape a gang war, so Veronica takes a break from her job as owner of a speakeasy (a perfectly normal job for a high schooler) to gather the high school cheerleading squad and perform Jailhouse Rock on the other side of the fence. That distracts the inmates long enough for the warden to stage a fake prison riot in full view of everyone and beat the kids with clubs. In most shows, this would be the most ridiculous scene in the series, but it ranks around 37 for Riverdale. It’s basically a show written by a malfunctioning Lana Del Rey song generator reconfiguring Scooby Doo plots with characters from Archie Comics.
Richard Trapunski
@nowtoronto
