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Movies & TV

Oscars by the minutes

Welcome to our second annual live Oscar blog.

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8 pm – Hey there. Food’s on. Beers are cooling. Bring on the pre-show! Must say I’m worried about Hugh Jackman hosting… Most hosts have comedy backgrounds. Jackman knows how to play a mutant and can sing and dance, but can he handle hosting four hours? Apparently Baz Luhrman is choreographing some numbers. Will Hugh make fun of his terrible movie Australia? -GS

8:01 – Wow – Project Runway’s Tim Gunn is co-hosting the red carpet pre-show! He doesn’t even have to ask what people are wearing! Too bad he’s so fawning. -GS

8:04 – Taraji P. Henson seems to be enjoying the ride. -GS

8:05 – Loving Frank Langella, who adds class to the phoniness… and he’s brought his daughter! -GS

8:06 – Wow – Tim gets Brangelina. But no interview! Oh, Tim… -GS

8:12 – This just in. Vanessa Hudgeon (with Zac Efron) admits she wants to meet Meryl Streep. What the hell will they talk about? Will she convince Meryl to star in HSM3? Streep arrives minutes later, with one of her daughters. Looking very calm. Gee, maybe her daughter wants to meet Vanessa. -GS

8:15 – Uh-oh… Miley Cyrus is wearing the night’s first clear fashion faux pas. Some sparkly purplish layer-cake like thing. She looks like she’s stepped out from a touring version of Beauty And The Beast. -GS

8:17 – Every year, I say I’m not going to watch the pre-game show, and every year I get sucked into it. Which just reminds me why I say I’m not going to watch it: People have nothing to say, and they look like crap in HD under blasting sunlight. When the Price & Waterhouse guys look just as good as Brad Pitt and Robert Downey Jr, the very sanctity of Hollywood seems endangered.

Also, did anyone else see something crawling around underneath Angelina Jolie’s breastbone, or was that just me? -NW

8:30 – They open with a jazz/swing version of the Lawrence of Arabia theme. I hate them. -NW

8:33 – Hugh Jackman nails the opening songalogue thing, and Anne Hathaway finally puts the whole Rob Lowe/Snow White nightmare to rest. Somewhere, Billy Crystal wonders why they didn’t ask him back this year. -NW

8:38 – I knew Hugh would do an opening number. But yikes. This was one of the strangest openings ever. This had the production values of a literal high school musical. Although Anne Hathaway got to show billions of people she can hit a high note. -GS

8:39 – The 20-minute delay joke to Mickey Rourke was decent. So was the Streep on steroids line. -GS

8:43 – Okay, the idea of having five previous winners introduce each award was awesome for a moment. But now Whoopi Goldberg is making jokes about Amy Adams in Doubt, and it’s starting to sink in that this strategy will make the night very, very long. -NW

8:48 – First big award. Best Supporting Actress. Wow, with these Brian Linehan-like intros to the acting nominees, this is gonna be One. Long. Show. Penelope Cruz thanks Pedro Almadovar. Classy and sincere. -GS

8:53 – Steve Martin should only work with Tina Fey from this day forward. It would make The Pink Panther 3 so much better. But then, it would have to. -NW

8:56 – Dustin Lance Black wins Best Original Screenplay for Milk and gives a moving and honest speech, though I’m not sure that “God loves you” and “very soon, we will have federally mandated equal rights” are necessarily complementary statements. -NW

9:01 – Simon Beaufoy wins Best Adapted Screenplay for “Slumdog Millionaire”. Take that, “Benjamin Button”! Take it right in your backwards-aging, Forrest Gumpy face! – NW

9:03 – Jack Black: “Every year, I take all the money I make from DreamWorks and bet it on Pixar.” In other news, the character of Po in Kung Fu Panda 2: Panda-Monium will now be played by John Goodman. – NW

9:05 – I can’t believe a clip for the terrible Star Wars: The Clone Wars is included in the time-wasting “Animated Film Yearbook.” Why wasn’t Waltz With Bashir included? And talk about anti-climactic. They award the animated feature award before the animated short? D’uh. -GS

9:06 – WALL-E wins Best Animated Feature, and all is right with the world. – NW

9:10 – La Maison En Petits Cubes wins Best Animated Short haven’t seen it, can’t comment on its worthiness. But how can it be better than Presto? How? – NW

9:11 – Winner Kunio Kato pulls his halting speech out of a power dive with a Styx quote: “Domo Arigato, Mister Roboto.” Okay, that’s kind of awesome. – NW

9:23 – Best make-up: The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button. Which actually makes sense, given the amount of work that went into Taraji P. Henson’s aging … funny how they didn’t use any of her footage in the montage, though. – NW

9:25 – Hey, so Robert Pattinson from Twilight only has that one face, huh? – NW

9:28 – “Stay tuned for the actor whose movies have made over four million dollars around the world!” Does anyone else want that to be Billy Dee Williams? – NW

9:31 – Ben Stiller’s Joaquin Phoenix bit is just okay Natalie Portman, though? She’s a rock. – NW

9:35 – Re: the Joaquin impersonation. Dunno what to think. Funny? Lazy? Disrespectful?

All I know is this. Using soundtracks from old Oscar winners to introduce new movies is beginning to grate and confuse. Does every film have to be introduced by John Barry’s Out Of Africa theme? -GS

9:36 – Anthony Dod Mantle wins Best Cinematography for Slumdog Millionaire, which bolsters my long-standing belief that the film with the most cinematography always wins. It’s the same with Best Film Editing, when you think about it. -NW

9:38 – Jessica Biel arrived straight from Red Lobster, apparently. -NW

9:40 – You know you’re Hollywood’s latest hottie when you’re asked to present the science award. Congrats, Jessica. -GS

9:49 – Is it just me, or are there more commercials than ever? Think it’s recession-related? And where’s Hugh, anyway? Isn’t he our host? -GS

9:53 – Is Beyonce lip-syncing? Or is there some weird enhancement on her mic that Jackman’s doesn’t have? Either way, the distraction is keeping me from thinking about how utterly unnecessary this musical number is … – NW

9:55 – I’m pretty sure the musical number is lip-synched, understandable since Beyonce, Zac, Vanessa, Amanda et al. were also asked to dance their asses off. But what a waste of time. And again – WHY? These weren’t even all Oscar-winning songs. -GS

9:56 – “The musical is back!” Well, it was, Hugh, until you killed it again … – NW

10:03 – Alan Arkin introduces Philip Seymour Hoffman as Seymour Philip Hoffman! I’m sure no one noticed. And hey, PSH, what’s on your head? – GS

10:03 – Former winners Christopher Walken, Kevin Kline, Cuba Gooding Jr, Alan Arkin and Joel Grey all take the stage to present Best Supporting Actor. And Alan Arkin cannot read from the prompter. – NW

10:05 – Christopher Walken talks about Michael Shannon’s performance in Revolutionary Road, which is — in its own way — spiritually connected to Walken’s own role in Annie Hall. Nice touch. – NW

10:08 – Heath Ledger is named Best Supporting Actor. In a moving speech, his family accepts the prize on his behalf. And the Oscar director makes sure we see how deeply everyone in the audience feels about it. – NW

10:13 – Bill Maher presents the Best Documentary Feature award. Because he’s a truth-teller now. – NW

10:15 – Man On Wire wins, giving Philip Petit one more chance to indulge his magnificent narcissism on the world stage. Later, in the parking lot, Werner Herzog will brain him and steal his statuette. – NW

10:17 – The short-film doc award goes to Smile Pinki. Director Megan Mylan cannot balance an Oscar on her face, but still seems awfully happy to be there. – NW

10:23 – I hate these “yearbooks.” I bet studios paid to get their new-on-DVD films in here. Let’s just get to the dead-people montage. -GS

10:25 – I guess Will Smith was the four-billion-dollar man. Cool. Plus, Harrison Ford would just cranked up the joint. – NW

10:27 – The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button wins Best Visual Effects, which I guess is reasonable the nonstop CGI is pretty great, and Brad Pitt’s performance wouldn’t have been possible without the tech. On the other hand, The Dark Knight is a far more accomplished movie, and Iron Man uses its effects so naturally that you don’t even notice they’re there half the time. Ah, well. – NW

10:29 – The Dark Knight wins Best Sound Editing. WALL*E is sad. – NW

10:30 – Oh my god, the Sound Editing winner for The Dark Knight looks like Benjamin Button! -GS

10:32 – I thought he looked like Richard Jenkins, myself. – NW

10:33 – Something about the shoulders screamed Benjamin Button to me. On another note, c’mon, folks, kick those speeches up a notch. We were spoiled by Penelope Cruz’s sincere speech and Lance Dustin Black’s moving one. -GS

10:35 – Slumdog Millionaire takes Best Film Editing. And the front-runner becomes the sure thing. – NW

10:42 – Eddie Murphy presents Jerry Lewis with the Jean Hersholt Humanitarian Award. Lewis, who’s not exactly known for his humility or his brevity, is both humble and brief. It’s a Hollywood miracle! – NW

10:45 – Wow, that Sandra Bullock movie looks terrible! – NW

10:46 – Yeah but a shirtless Ryan Reynolds will sell tickets… again. -GS

10:50 – Please take your seats for the medley of nominated scores. Latecomers will not be admitted. – NW

10:53 – Alicia Keys and Zac Efron present the nominees for Best Original Score. And the Oscar goes to — Slumdog Millionaire! The juggernaut continues! – NW

10:54 – What’s wrong with Alicia Keys’s makeup? -GS

10:55 – And now, we will enjoy high-speed, dumbed-down versions of the Best Original Song nominees. Well, okay, “enjoy” was the wrong word. – NW

10:58 – Wow… totally confused about what song belongs to what film. Was something set in Africa? -GS

10:59 – You know, I don’t recall quite so many giant Japanese drums in Slumdog Millionaire. Perhaps I wasn’t paying attention. – NW

11:00 – And now they’re singing the songs over each other. This must be what autism feels like. – NW

11:01 – Does Dev Patel never NOT smile? Does he ever get depressed? Danny Boyle keeps touching his face. You better rehearse your speech, Dan, cuz you’re gonna be up there soon.

Oh, so Sophia Loren’s gonna be one of the presenters in the Best Actress thingee. And Anthony Hopkins for Actor. Wonder if they got to pick their nominee… -GS

11:01 – A.R. Rahman and Gulzar share the prize for Slumdog Millionaire’s “Jai Ho”. I just like saying “Oscar-winning songwriter Gulzar” in the voice of a Transformer. I am punchy now. – NW

11:06 – And Liam Neeson co-presents the award for Foreign language film because…? – GS

11:06 – The Japanese entry, Departures, wins Best Foreign-Language Film – which everyone expected to go to either Waltz With Bashire or The Class. If I’d had the chance to enter our Oscar pool, I would have just lost it. – NW

11:07 – I love the Departures guy’s acceptance speech (the second of the night in a cool Japanese accent): “I am here because of films! We be back I hope!” Bet Mickey Rourke’s thinkin’ the same thing. -GS

11:11 – The death reel. This part always depresses me. Not the listing of the names, but the varying levels of applause for each new name. Although the shout-outs to Kon Ichikawa and Manny Farber make it all worthwhile.- NW

11:14 – Yeah, a film critic was included! Bizarre to have Latifah sing a song live when there’s usually one of those sweeping Horner/Barry/Newman themes purring in the background for this sequence. But nicely done, and figured Newman would close it out. -GS

11:18 – The chattering skull of Reese Witherspoon presents the Best Director prize to the giant head of Danny Boyle. Seriously, guys, some people shouldn’t be photographed in HD. – NW

11:18 – Oh yeah, brag about your fancy TV, Norm. All I could see was some guy with a loose tie jumping up and down. – GS

11:22 – On a style note: Blue seems to be the big colour for the night. Reese, Latifah… – GS

11:26 – Sophia Loren, Shirley MacLaine, Nicole Kidman, Halle Berry and Marion Cotillard assemble to present Best Actress. The thing where the presenters stand and directly address the nominee is really not working. – NW

11:27 – Yeah, they’re kinda like roasts, but with no jokes. – GS

11:29 – Holy crap, Sofia Loren has become her own Spitting Image puppet. – NW

11:31 – Nicole Kidman’s using her own accent in public appearances again. Remember when she had to be American whenever she was on-camera with Tom Cruise? This is better. – NW

11:31 – Did these women really write these things? GS

11:32 – Kate Winslet finally wins the Academy Award she’s been chasing for all these weeks, and while she’s making a very good show of being spontaneous, I am fervently wishing someone would throw up that clip of her in Extras where she rants about what it takes to win an Oscar RIGHT NOW. – NW

11:37 – De Niro! Kingsley! Hopkins! Um … Brody and Douglas? Okay. Funny how only one of the two British knights on the stage insists on being called by his title, though. – NW

11:38 – Michael Douglas says that Frank Langella’s Nixon eclipses all other performances of the former President. Uh, Anthony Hopkins is RIGHT THERE, man. – NW

11:39 – These tribute intros will NOT be back next year… – GS

11:43 – And the Oscar goes to … Sean Penn. Slight correction to our podcast: This is Penn’s second Oscar win he didn’t win for Dead Man Walking, just for Mystic River. I’m just a little sad for Mickey Rourke, whose amazing work in The Wrestler has to go unrewarded. Nice of Penn to take a moment to shame the opponents of Prop. 8, and to take another moment to thank his country for electing an “elegant” President. Oh, and Mickey Rourke gets a nod. Nice. – NW

11:44 – Yes, verklempt here. -GS

11:47 – Steven Spielberg appears to present Best Picture. Movies are like reflections, yadda yadda yadda. And some of the montage choices are downright bizarre: Turns out The Reader is about transformative affairs and war, and Braveheart is now a powerful statement about gay rights.I wonder how Mel Gibson feels about this. – NW

11:51 – Compare The Reader with The Graduate? This is montage by free-association, a Rorsharsh test. Was the editor on acid? GS

11:52 – And the year’s Best Picture is … Slumdog Millionaire! Good night, everybody! – NW

11:53 – … and it’s not even midnight! Weird that they front-loaded all the commercials and then had a big rollout of major awards at the end. Usually it’s the opposite. Yawn. Danny Boyle’s gonna have one helluva party. Night. – GS

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