BRATZ: THE MOVIE (Sean McNamara). 95 minutes. Opens Friday (August 3). Rating: N
Bratz: The Movie finds the kiddie junior-fashionista Bratz dolls coming out of the box and onto the live-action big screen.
Four best friends - hair curled, lip gloss a-shine and grossly accessorized - march up to school in a haze of perky bliss. But, wow, high school is full of horrible cliques, isn't it? Suddenly our four heroines find their friendship challenged by diverging interests, goals and the appeal of new friends. Can their "brattitude" - and a big-assed food fight - save the day?
With squeals, giggles and high-fiving "BFFs!," director Sean McNamara delivers a shiny, sparkly vision of teenage girlhood. Disguising a heavy-handed pro-consumer message with hair extensions and glitter eyeshadow seems to come naturally to him.
The film is a grotesque mishmash of skull-thumping messages, archetypal student body enemies and awkward racial stereotypes. (No Latino family is complete without a mariachi band sitting at the kitchen table, is it?) Even Chelsea Staub 's campy pro-me song numbers, faintly reminiscent of Julie Brown's 'Cause I'm A Blond, fail to rouse a glimmer of interest in this pukey, unnervingly earnest girlie flick.
Unless, of course, you're eight. Or wish you were.