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Movies & TV Movies & TV Reviews

Movies Opening This Week

Rating: NNNNN


BLIZZARD (LeVar Burton) deserves to be arrested by the shmaltz and bad accent police for gross misconduct in a children’s movie that already has enough flaws in its multi-storied plot and sitcomesque direction to make it unwatchable. Brenda Blethyn stars as eccentric Aunt Millie, who tries to cheer her sad niece with a long story about friendship. Man, is it long. There are little girls ice skating, fathers being laid off, the titular magic reindeer, Blizzard (Whoopi Goldberg), a rules-oriented elf (Kevin Pollak), a partially deaf Santa (Christopher Plummer), and that’s not all. The little girl listening grows confused, unsure how the story is meant to help, and keeps interrupting. So how do you expect the audience to react? 99 min. NN (Lori Fireman) Opens Dec 12 at 401 & Morningside, Beach Cinemas, Canada Square, Colossus, Courtney Park 16, Eglinton Town Centre, Elgin Mills, First Markham Place, Grande – Steeles, Kennedy Commons, Queensway, SilverCity Mississauga, SilverCity Newmarket, SilverCity North York, SilverCity Richmond Hill, SilverCity Yorkdale.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE RETURN OF THE KING (Peter Jackson) finally makes its appearance, concluding the trilogy. See interview, page 88, and review online Dec 17 at www.nowtoronto.com. 200 min. Opens Dec 17 at 401 & Morningside, Bayview, Beach Cinemas, Coliseum Mississauga, Coliseum Scarborough, Colossus, Courtney Park 16, Eglinton Town Centre, Elgin Mills, First Markham Place, Grande – Steeles, Grande – Yonge, Paramount, Queensway, Rainbow Fairview, Rainbow Market Square, Rainbow Promenade, Rainbow Woodbine, SilverCity Newmarket, SilverCity Richmond Hill, SilverCity Yorkdale, Silvercity Yonge, Varsity, Winston Churchill.

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS: EXTENDED EDITION (Peter Jackson) gains even more than The Fellowship Of The Ring in the extended version. Forty-three minutes longer than the theatrical version, the dark and imposing epic middle third of the trilogy no longer has a rushed feeling. In the original, everything pointed toward the Battle of Helm’s Deep and there was no room for grace notes like Merry and Pippin finding the food stores in the wreckage of Isengard or the song Eowyn sings at the funeral in Rohan. 222 min. NNNNN (JH) Opens Dec 12 at Coliseum Mississauga, Coliseum Scarborough, Colossus, Grande – Yonge, Paramount, Queensway, SilverCity Richmond Hill, Varsity V.I.P., Winston Churchill.

LOVE DON’T COST A THING (Troy Beyer) is about a high-school loser who tries to buy some cred with his peers by paying a cheerleader to pose as his girlfriend. Remake of the 1987 film Can’t Buy Me Love. See review online at www.nowtoronto. com. 105 min. Opens Dec 12 at 401 & Morningside, Canada Square, Courtney Park 16, Eglinton Town Centre, Elgin Mills, First Markham Place, Interchange 30, Kennedy Commons, Queensway, SilverCity Newmarket, SilverCity North York, Winston Churchill.

SOMETHING’S GOTTA GIVE (Nancy Meyers) strains everything including the audience’s credulity (Keanu Reeves is a doctor), endurance (it’s excruciatingly slow, including a five-minute crying fit by star Diane Keaton) and the very limits of Jack Nicholson’s charm (do we need three shots of his butt in one scene?). The real problem, though, is the lack of chemistry between Keaton and Nicholson. Reeves proves a better fit as her love interest, despite his typically wooden delivery. Writer/director Meyers has picked a brave subject in the charms of the older woman, but she’s lost the insight that drove Private Benjamin and Baby Boom. She still has no clue What Women Want. 104 min. N (Lori Fireman) Opens Dec 12 at 401 & Morningside, Bayview, Beach Cinemas, Colossus, Courtney Park 16, Eglinton Town Centre, Elgin Mills, First Markham Place, Grande – Steeles, Grande – Yonge, Kennedy Commons, Paramount, Queensway, Rainbow Market Square, Rainbow Promenade, Rainbow Woodbine, SilverCity Mississauga, SilverCity Newmarket, SilverCity Richmond Hill, SilverCity Yorkdale, Silvercity Yonge, Varsity, Varsity V.I.P.

STUCK ON YOU (Bobby and Peter Farrelly) continues the Farrelly brothers conundrum. They’re tremendous actors’ directors – Gwyneth Paltrow’s best film performance is in Shallow Hal – with an uncanny ability to rope unexpected actors into their films, like Meryl Streep. Yet putting aside There’s Something About Mary, you have to question whether they can actually direct a complete movie. Michael Corrente’s Outside Providence, from a Farrelly script, is better shot and edited than most of the brothers’ films. Here, Matt Damon and Greg Kinnear play conjoined twins who run a burger joint in Martha’s Vineyard but decide to follow Kinnear’s dream to hit Hollywood and try his luck as an actor. The performers really carry this, and Kinnear and Damon have a sweet chemistry. Cher does a brilliant self-parody. Try to avoid the trailers, which give away three of the film’s best gags. 99 min. NNN (JH) Opens Dec 12 at 401 & Morningside, Coliseum Mississauga, Courtney Park 16, Eglinton Town Centre, Elgin Mills, First Markham Place, Grande – Steeles, Grande – Yonge, Interchange 30, Kennedy Commons, Paramount, Queensway, Rainbow Fairview, Rainbow Woodbine, SilverCity Mississauga, SilverCity Newmarket, SilverCity Richmond Hill, SilverCity Yorkdale, Silvercity Yonge, Varsity.

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