PRIEST 3D (Scott Charles Stewart). 87 minutes. See Listing. Rating: NN
Despite ample opportunities to chuck things in our faces, Priest 3D’s timid approach to 3-D does nothing to enhance what is otherwise is a run-of-the-mill CGI and wirework actioner.
The story pits a renegade priest against the gang of vampires who’ve stolen his niece. In this alternate universe, humans have won the endless war against vampires thanks to the efforts of superhumans who are made into a fighting priest cadre, then discarded by the oppressive church that rules the cities where humanity huddles.
None of this matters unless you’re a devotee of the graphic novels Priest is taken from, though it does explain our heroes’ powers and allows the graphic artists to create some exotic backgrounds. Once the priest, the local marshal and the fighting female priest hit the badlands, the movie looks and plays like a comic-book take on a spaghetti western, with motorcycles standing in for horses and a not-bad climax aboard a speeding train.
The vampires resemble rejects from the Alien franchise: fast, scrawny, eyeless scuttlers with big teeth. They’re not scary, but they’re not meant to be. They’re mere fodder for our invincible heroes, played with steely-eyed lockjaw by Paul Bettany (the priest), Cam Gigandet (the marshal) and Maggie Q (the other priest). Christopher Plummer, in what’s barely more than a cameo, lends his gravitas to an overbearing monsignor.
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