See Spot suck
SEE SPOT RUN SEE SPOT RUN SEE SPOT RUN
directed by John Whitesell, written by Stuart Gibbs, Craig Titley, George Gallo, Dan Baron, Alec Berg, Andrew Deane, Christian Faber, David Mandel, Jeff Schaffer and Tracey Trench, produced by Robert Simonds, with David Arquette, Michael Clarke Duncan, Leslie Bibb and Paul Sorvino. 99 minutes. A Warner Brothers release. Opens Friday (March 2). For venues and times, see First-Run Movies, page 73. Rating: N how many screenwriters does it take to produce the cinematic equivalent of dog poo? Ten, evidently. What began as a vehicle for Martin Lawrence ended up in David Arquette's lap when Lawrence took the cue and dropped out. This switch probably accounts for the lame romantic subplot and token female screenwriter. I'm guessing her cries to make Leslie Bibb's single mom character smarter were drowned out by the guys' call to put her in a miniskirt and tight sweater.
Arquette plays a letter carrier who, through a series of transparently contrived coincidences, is left in charge of Bibb's son. Can you say Big Daddy? Arquette, with the squinty look of a constipation sufferer, lacks the defiant smarm that makes Adam Sandler bearable next to a cute kid. (I can't believe I'm praising Sandler.) Worse, this film assaults adult moviegoers by including both a kid and a dog, in this case an FBI bulldog who chomped off the testicle of a mob boss and now has two hit men on his trail. Paul Sorvino's new career low as the mob boss is matched by Oscar nominee Michael Clarke Duncan's mawkish turn as the pooch's trainer. Expect to see more good actors taking any part they're offered in anticipation of the Screen Actors Guild strike this summer. At least I hope that's why they made this film.
The dog and kid hook up and inspire slapstick chase sequences ripped from the outtakes of Home Alone. Any prop, no matter how implausibly placed, gets thrown in for a cheap laugh. Would a pet store sell piranhas in real life? No, but 10 screenwriters don't seem to care. Remember how good Arquette was in 1997's indie drama Dream With The Fishes (which he also co-produced)? Why he's only been a doofus-for-hire since is beyond me.KIM LINEKIN *