THE LAST SONG (Julie Anne Robinson). 107 minutes. Opens Wednesday (March 31). See Listing. Rating: NN
The Last Song is a cruel melodrama. It lures in Miley Cyrus’s child fan base with Hannah Montana-brand humour before choking tears out of them with piano wire.[rssbreak]
It’s based on the latest novel by Nicholas Sparks, and The Notebook author’s recurrent motifs are all here – everything from the unlikely Southern lovers haunted by a terminal illness right down to the stash of unrequited letters the mailman never managed to deliver.
Cyrus stars as Ronnie, a teenager with a chip on her perpetually shrugging shoulders. Sentenced to a summer with her estranged father (Greg Kinnear) in his Georgia beach home, Ronnie passes the time by saving sea turtles and giving her dad grief. That is, until the ripped and tanned town hunk (Liam Hemsworth) – who uncannily resembles Star Trek’s Chris Pine – smiles her way.
The movie suggests that the best way to soothe a hormonal hellraiser with daddy issues is by getting her hooked up. That’s about as deep as it gets. From there it’s an endless barrage of reaction shots, plugged-in pop tunes and Miley one-liners.
The bubble-gum icon proves that her thespian skills are no match for her show tune finesse, but her confident delivery of hammy and embarrassing dialogue is admirable. She’s the star, and everyone takes note, including Kinnear, who amusingly scales back to blend in.
