THE TWO COREYS with Corey Feldman, Corey Haim and Susie Feldman. Airs Sundays at 10 pm on A&E, repeats Mondays at 2 am. Rating: NNN
While Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are busy padding their has-been hall of fame applications with DUIs, stints in rehab and photo shoot meltdowns, two founding celebretards have banded together (yet again) in a desperate bid to resurrect their celebrity status respectability and credibility be damned.
The infamous Coreys, Feldman and Haim, were two of the the 80s' biggest child stars, thanks almost entirely to their fortuitous pairing in the teen vampire flick The Lost Boys and a shared first name.
Everything afterward a few movies you can probably find in the $1.99 bin at Value Village, two drug habits, one Michael Jackson fetish and bankruptcy reads like a how-to guide for celebrity self-immolation.
Now, A&E, once the stately home of thoughtful docs about D-Day, has reunited the same-named fuck-ups for fun and ratings.
I'm not sure how The Two Coreys plays in its 10 pm Sunday time slot. But at 2 in the ayem when I couldn't sleep and wanted something mindless to distract me, I found it surprisingly amusing, a little touching and somewhat sad.
Combining the nostalgia factor of My Fair Brady with the nuttiness of Breaking Bonaduce, it's a prime-time embarrassment but a late-night guilty pleasure.
Haim and Feldman hardly possess the "legendary onscreen chemistry" A&E claims they have. And their films didn't "define a generation." (Pretty In Pink and The Breakfast Club said more about growing up in the 80s than License To Drive.)
But they did once exhibit genuine promise as actors, notably Haim as the sensitive, bug-loving nerd in Lucas, and Feldman as the troubled smartass in Stand By Me. Who'd have thought 20 years on that Jerry O'Connell Stand By Me's fat kid would have the strongest career, plus Rebecca Romijn to boot?
So it's a kick to see the Coreys back together in an Odd Couple-style reality series, even if I'm only drawn by Feldman's transformation from wacko Jacko to Roy Orbison or Haim's ballooning jowls and ego.
I'm not alone in my Corey fascination. Consider the moment in the series when they attend a 20th-anniversary screening of The Lost Boys with thousands (okay, hundreds) of screaming fans. Or the continued interest in a Lost Boys sequel.
Indeed, Haim counts on the sequel for his comeback until Feldman tells him a direct-to-DVD version is in development. Worse, Feldman's been asked to cameo and Haim hasn't. Feldman's attempt to soften the blow by telling the blubbering Haim about being rejected for Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 is both hilarious and heartbreaking, sort of.
Of course, it's impossible to tell how much of the show's dramatics are genuine. Set in Feldman's home, the series is actually shot in Vancouver because it's cheaper.
And they admit that some of the interactions are "semi-scripted." Certainly, Feldman's hot tub makeout with his wife complete with bown-chicka-bow-wow porno soundtrack being interrupted when Haim plops into the pool is staged.
Feldman has called the show an "improvisational comedy," and he and Haim are expected to play themselves, which isn't the same as being themselves. This probably explains why Feldman's old heroin addiction and weird connection to the King of Pop are swept under the rug in favour of a clean, wholesome family-man image, while Haim is the ultimate lost boy, a single 30-something jobless slob to whom the scent of desperation clings like so much Axe body spray.
Then there's Feldman's Stuff magazine model wife, Susie, whom Feldman married while pursuing a paycheque on The Surreal Life (MC Hammer was the minister). She and Haim do not get along, and Haim even refers to her as Yoko Ono.
At a certain point it was 2:47 am, to be precise I began to wonder, What if the two Coreys had been given different names? Would they have been as famous? Or as infamous? Because as much as they've tried to escape their two-Corey status in the decade and a half since their peak, they're so inextricably linked that it's impossible to consider one without the other.
What to watch this week
Monday, August 6
My boys (Comedy) If you're sick of Sex And The City reruns, check out this smart, funny relationship comedy starring the delightful Jordana Spiro as a tomboyish sportswriter surrounded by guy friends. 9:30 pm on CH, 10 pm on TBS