Rating: NNNNN
Thursday, May 19
CSI: CRIME SCENE INVESTIGATION Oddball auteur Quentin Tarantino directs the two-hour season finale of the hot forensic series. Blink and you’ll miss Tony Curtis and Frank “the Riddler” Gorshin in bit parts. 8 pm on CBS/CTV
Friday, May 20
AMERICA’S NEXT TOP MODEL Following a 60-minute recap special, bitchy supermodel judge Janice Dickinson (who gets her own E! True Hollywood Story exposé Saturday at 10 pm on Star) joins stern Tyra Banks and her gnomelike minion, Toronto’s own Jay Manuel , to select season four’s champ. Bonus: nudity and foul language! 8 pm on CKVR
THE 32ND ANNUAL DAYTIME EMMY AWARDS Now that Oprah’s removed herself permanently from the running, will Regis and Kelly even show this year to lose yet again to Ellen DeGeneres for top talk show? 9 pm on CBS/CHCH
Saturday, May 21
ENGLAND PREMIERSHIP LEAGUE FINAL Now technically an American franchise, much to the horror of UK footie fans, mighty Manchester United face archrivals Arsenal – led by hunky Calvin Klein underwear model Freddy Ljungberg – for the cup. 10 am on Sportsnet
JOHN LENNON’S JUKEBOX The bookish Beatle’s long-forgotten portable jukebox containing 41 of his favourite singles showed up at auction a few years back and became the basis of a best-selling CD compilation and the inspiration for this 2004 South Bank Show. Narrated by Lennon himself via archival radio recordings. 4 am on PBS
Sunday, May 22
DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES Season one of the most popular potboiler on the tube comes to its inevitably cliffhanging finale when it’s finally revealed why Mary Alice topped herself in the series’ first episode and the real reason Mike Delfino hangs around the neighbourhood. Spoiler: someone gets killed! 9 pm on ABC/CTV
Monday, May 23
24 Super-agent Jack Bauer ( Kiefer Sutherland ) has two hours to thwart a nuclear attack on the U.S. in what could very well be the quirky series’ last-ever episode. 8 pm on Fox/CHCH
QUEER AS FOLK The locally shot homoerotic sudser returns for a fifth and final season. 10 pm on Showcase
Tuesday, May 24
THE QUEEN IN CANADA After-dinner speeches at the Edmonton Fairmont, where Liz and Phil are feted by Deputy Prime Minister Anne McLennan . Other guests include Alberta funnyman Ralph Klein and glamorous GG Adrienne Clarkson . 10 pm on Newsworld
Wednesday, May 25
AMERICAN IDOL The scandal-plagued – or so its publicists would have you believe – talent contest eventually gets around to naming the winner. Go, Vonzell! 8 pm on Fox/CTV
