Here are a few mainstream titles that brought anguish to the eye. Despite my own bitter heartbreak at the ruinous timidity of the 3-D Night Of The Living Dead remake, I won’t say a word about the indies that bombed. It’s no fun kicking the little kids.
Most cynical package of the year:
HANNIBAL RISING (Alliance, 2007)
Watch the movie and cringe at the desperate attempts to turn cannibal psychopath Hannibal Lecter into a hero. Check the commentary and learn about protecting the franchise.
Least surprising disappointment:
DEATH PROOF (Alliance, 2007)
Quentin Tarantino’s evil Grindhouse twin to Robert Rodriguez’s Planet Terror is a bore in its under-90-minute theatrical form and induces sleeping sickness in its 113-minute DVD version. Feel the dejection as Tarantino explains his so-limited ambitions.
Double award for most surprising disappointment and worst extras:
OCEAN’S 13: TWO-DISC EDITION (WB, 2007)
All spectacle, no suspense, with feeble extras, this is an extended commercial for Las Vegas, a true-crime doc and a five-minute set tour.
Remakes and homages to antique slasher flicksThe latest is Rob Zombie’s Halloween. The fanboy directors’ films are all childhood nostalgia, and that never scared anyone.
Worst trend II:
Big-budget comic book movies with too few moments of great iconic imagery and nonsense storiesThink Ghost Rider, Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer, Transformers.