Rating: NNNNN
Thursday, September 9
LIVE WITH REGIS AND KELLY Reeg’s follically challenged chum the Trumpster plugs the second season of his hit reality show, The Apprentice (see below) Martin Short does his Jiminy Glick shtick to promote his new flick, and P. Diddy protégé Mase reminds us to Breathe, Stretch, Shake. 9 am on CTV
THE APPRENTICE Ninety-minute preem introduces 18 contestants vying to be the Donald’s comb carrier and model handler. Watch for a series from ex-wife Ivana to unravel later this year. 8:30 pm on Global/NBC
Friday, September 10
LATE NIGHT WITH CONAN O’BRIEN This year’s Anna Nicole, Paris the heiress Hilton explains how she accidentally misplaced her chihuahua, Tinkerbelle. NYC disco glam-rockers the Scissor Sisters show why they’re the hottest thing in the UK today. 12:35 am on NBC/CKVR, repeated Saturday at 5 pm on Star
Saturday, September 11
AS THE TOWERS FELL: THE STORY OF THEIR LIVES News anchors from CBC, BBC, CNN and Al-Jazeera discuss the after-effects of reporting the traumatic events of 9/11 live on TV. 10 pm on Newsworld, repeated at 1 am
Sunday, September 12
Jack And Bobby The first episode of a new series with Christine Lahti as the mother of two promising but flawed sons with heavy-duty political ambitions. Lahti again plays a woman who’s not easy to like. 8 pm on CKVR
COMANDANTE Another chance to see Oliver Stone ‘s controversial 2003 documentary interview with Cuban premier Fidel Castro . 10 pm on Newsworld, repeated at 1 am
Monday, September 13
TERROR IN MOSCOW A sadly timely documentary offering horrific accounts from the survivors of 2002’s Moscow theatre hostage-taking and bungled rescue. 10 pm on Newsworld, repeated at 1 am
Tuesday, September 14
2004 WORLD CUP HOCKEY FINAL Hot man-on-man action. On ice. 7 pm on CBC
AMERICAN PSYCHO (2000, dir Mary Harron, w/ Christian Bale, Jared Leto, Chloë Sevigny) Grisly black comic adaptation of Bret Easton Ellis’s bestseller casts Bale as a narcissistic yuppie serial killer. Soundtrack by former Velvet John Cale . 12:10 am on Showcase
Wednesday, September 15
QUEER EYE FOR THE STRAIGHT GUY The third season with the Fab Five diversifies with Queer Eye For The Straight Girl, Queer Eye For The Queer Guy and an upcoming mercy makeover of Kiss’s Gene Simmons. Didn’t he shtup Cher? Dream Queer overhaul: Donald Trump’s comb-over. And have they finally found something for Jai to do this season besides CD shopping? 10 pm on Global
