Rating: NNNNN
1. Moby 18 (V2)
A year of selling everything from cars to deodorant left your brain soft? Stuck for ideas on how to follow up your surprise best-seller? Simply remake the record with a few more New Age whooshes and hope no one notices. Oops. He did.
2. Lauryn Hill MTV Unplugged (Sony)
Rambling 12-minute intros, uncontrolled bouts of weeping and unhinged rants about the woes of being a multi-millionaire, all delivered in a sandpaper voice accompanied by amateurish guitar playing. In a year of meltdowns (Mariah, Whitney) this takes the cake.
3. Johnny Cash American IV: The Man Comes Around (Universal)
Sure, Johnny Cash hasn’t been well lately, but that’s really no excuse for Depeche Mode covers and Fiona Apple duets.
4. jordy birch Fun Machine (Virgin)
Former Pure geezer recasts himself as a 20-something club kid with attitude. There is immense justice in the fact that, despite a massive promo budget (a photo shoot in Death Valley? Sure!), Fun Machine tanked large.
5. Treble Charger Detox (BMG)
Punk rockers on the wrong side of 40 try turning back the clock to cash in on the success of their proteges, Sum 41. Unfortunately, only their label rep at BMG went for it.
6. Beck Sea Change (Geffen)
It was actually a much better album when Serge Gainsbourg released it as Histoire De Melody Nelson.
7. Our Lady Peace Gravity (Sony)
Gravity? More like dead weight, actually
8. boards of canada Geogaddi (Warp)
Click. Buzz. Zzzz. No wonder their label tried to keep this “wildly anticipated” comeback under wraps for as long as possible.
9. the Breeders Title TK (4AD)
A steady diet of heroin and crack and all you can do is remake your debut album? As bad as Title TK is, it’s not as terrible as the Breeders’ car crash of a live show here, featuring disturbingly vacant banter from Kelley Deal.
10. Beth Orton Daybreaker (Astralwerks)
Like dating Winona Ryder, a studio visit from Ryan Adams can spell disaster. Even with Emmylou Harris and Ben Watt on board, Orton still managed to make a yawn-inspiring mess of Daybreaker.
