Rating: NNNNN
1 COLDPLAY X&Y (Capitol/EMI) Yeah, Clocks is a pretty good song. Wait — this isn’t Clocks? How ’bout this one? No? This one? Oh. Bor-Ring.
2 BLACK EYED PEAS Monkey Business (A&M/Universal) If a hundred monkeys typed at a hundred keyboards for a hundred years, they still couldn’t come up with anything this annoying or stupid.
3 ALANIS MORISSETTE Jagged Little Pill Acoustic (Maverick/Warner) Worse than having to give Dave Coulier head in a movie theatre.
4 BIG STAR In Space (Rykodisc) The Muppet movie title should’ve been a tipoff.
5 NEW PORNOGRAPHERS Twin Cinema (Geffen/Universal) Too much Newman, not enough Neko.
6 DANGER DOOM The Mouse And The Mask (Epitaph) In the words of Space Ghost, “MF DOOM? Danger Mouse? Bo-o-ring…” Hopefully they made a lot of money from Adult Swim for the advertising.
7 JENNIFER LOPEZ Rebirth (Sony BMG) Not even Timbaland, Big Boi and the latest pitch-correcting software could save J.Lo from herself.
8 LOUIS XIV The Best Little Secrets Are Kept (Pineapple/Warner) Wrinkly geezers with fake British accents? It’s almost as if Louis XIV were some lame alt-country act who picked up a new shtick to cash in on a trend. Hmm….
9 MISSY ELLIOTT The Cookbook (Elektra/Warn er ) Maybe having the reality show wasn’t such a career benefit after all.
10 MOBY Hotel (V2) Hey, there’s always the tea shop.
Dishonourable mentions:
Will Smith, Lost And Found Backstreet Boys, Never Gone Broadcast, Tender Buttons Tom Green, Prepare For Impact Jamiroquai, Dynamite Paul Anka, Rock Swings Bizarre, Hannicap Circus
