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Since the Canadian Academy of Recording Arts and Sciences — the board governing the Juno Awards — persists in celebrating the same old artists with the same old awards, we humbly suggest a few new categories (and potential nominees) that just might liven up the balloting.
Arnold Lanni Puppets with Strings Award Our Lady Peace, the Moffatts, b4-4, Edwin, Lace
Ashley MacIsaac Pissing Away Your Career Award Alannah Myles, I Mother Earth, Johnny Favourite, kd lang, Art Bergmann
Larry LeBlanc Advancing the Worst Possible Image of the Canadian Music Scene to a Global Audience Award Our Lady Peace, Celine Dion, Roch Voisine, Philosopher Kings
Jake Gold Who Cares About the U.S. Anyway? Award Moist, 54-40, Edwin, the Tea Party
Johnny Favourite Last Year’s Thing Award Amanda Marshall, Jeff Healey, Maestro, I Mother Earth, Big Sugar
Harem Scarem Bandwagon- Jumping Award Colin James, the Moffatts, Great Big Sea
Alannah Myles 29-Forever Award Sas Jordan, Amy Sky, Tom Cochrane, Alan Frew, Michelle Wright
Bootsauce Please Stay in Quebec Award Sky, Roch Voisine, Lara Fabian, Gino Vannelli, Ginette Reno
Jann Arden Who Buys These Records? Award Templar, Susan Aglukark, Holly Cole, Kim Mitchell, Wild Strawberries, Melanie Doane, Nelly Furtado
The Guess Who Back Like a Coldsore Award Northern Pikes, Grapes of Wrath, Cowboy Junkies, Lowest of the Low, Carole Pope
Men Without Hats Where Are They Now? Award Candi, Watchmen, Pure, Sons of Freedom, Slik Toxik, Dream Warriors, the Box, Junkhouse
Saga Yeah-but-We’re-Big-in-Germany! Award Peaches, Moxy, Swollen Members, the Tea Party