Since I began listening to hiphop, I've noticed a certain machismo behind a lot of it, plus an unfortunate tendency for rappers to write homophobic lyrics. It's a phenomenon that came to a new level of prominence following the suburb-bombing release of Eminem's Marshall Mathers album. However, not every rapper has bad things to say about gays. Some pioneers - not just Peaches, I mean the biggest names in urban music - drop sexually ambiguous lyrics on the regular, sometimes unwittingly.
Here's just a sampling of my favourite paeans to sexual tolerance in hiphop.
"'Cause my investin' was sendin' rappers to heaven / gives me an erection." Fat Joe, Fire Water
At first I assumed Fat Joe might fall into the category of "bear," but I don't think he has any body hair. He's like a giant baby - a certified street-credible giant baby with a "don't fuck with me" attitude. The idea of a tough giant baby with an erection because his "investin' was sendin' rappers to heaven" is both frightening and befuddling. Still, kudos for this bold statement... whatever you take it mean.
"What do you choose to lick - pussies or dicks? People throughout the world, it's your pick." Akinyele, Put It In Your Mouth
Right now, Akinyele's ode to oral sex, Put It In Your Mouth, is playing in some frat bar somewhere on earth. The lyrics struck a chord with horny people everywhere who need something to replace their pacifiers, and Akinyele's voracious appetite knows no gender boundaries. As long as you have a mouth, he likes you.
"Laser ray your anus / Stop, your style look like sinus / Leave you there like Charlie Brown suckin' Linus." Kool Keith, Keep It Real!... Represent (alternate version)
Former Ultramagnetic MCs rapper Kool Keith is from a future where cartoon characters, animals, robots, inanimate objects, monsters and people of all races, creeds and genders coexist in a wild, non-stop, non-linear orgy. This is a great example of his forward-thinking pansexual flava.
"Meet the black Boy George." Ghostface Killah, Stroke Of Death
Ah, Ghostface. Nobody else in hiphop but the Wu-Tang Clan's Mr. Tony Starks would have the audacity to identify himself with the campy Culture Club frontman. He's probably the most emotive rapper in history, one of those dudes who raps with such feeling and radness that you have to at least pretend you know what he means. This is the penis-obsessed poet who's dropped lines like "Suck my dick / It's the kid with the fat knob," and "Dick like a great adventure cigar / In your garage." Ghostface makes me want to put my Clark Wallabees in my ass!
"Pushin' wigz back." Maestro, Pushin' Wigz Back
This track seems to make reference to Canuck rap icon Maestro receiving such a phenomenal blow job from a male member of the British Parliament that he actually tears the wig off the dude's sweaty scalp. Or am I projecting too much of my fantasies onto this song? Regardless, the man should have a float at the next parade - Gay Pride, Portuguese Day, whatever. I'm just saying give the man a float. He's a legend!
Former Killer Elite singer Nick Flanagan insists he's a stand-up comedian.