There are stage dads and then there are psychos who wish they were stage dads. If it weren't for Joe Simpson pushing his little girls into the limelight, Ashlee wouldn't be playing Massey Hall Sunday (March 13). Of course, compared to some others, former Baptist preacher Simpson is a fucking angel.
Who Joe Simpson father of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson
Claim to infamy Launched Jessica's career, then saved it after her second album tanked. Then launched Ashlee as um, uh... whatever it is she is, does or has.
Dad! Do you have to be so power-hungry and psychotic? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends... Exposes everything about his girls except their vulvas.
Failed artistic dreams? Nope, unless you count turning Jessica's marriage, which he originally opposed, into a reality show. Otherwise, he's a Baptist minister. Go figure.
In the works? Also manages Ashlee's former beau, Ryan Cabrera.
Who Joe Jackson father of Michael Jackson
Claim to infamy Invented the Jackson 5 and is credited with the trail of wreckage that is the Jackson children.
Dad! Do you have to be so power-hungry and psychotic? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends... Verbal abuse, incessant rehearsals. Had 'em workin' bars and clubs as young as age seven. Insists, "I never beat (Michael). I whipped him with a switch and a belt."
Failed artistic dreams? Had a band called the Falcons (not the famous one) but made a living as a steelworks crane driver.
In the works? Stands by his son, now on trial for child molestation.
Who Michael Lohan father of Lindsay Lohan
Claim to infamy Crashed his car into a tree, making a total ass of himself. Lindsay says he has nothing to do with her career.
Dad! Do you have to be so power-hungry and psychotic? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends... Is demanding half of the 15 per cent of her yearly earnings Lindsay gives mom Dina, which could amount to 7 million bucks. Has allegedly threatened to kill his family.
Failed artistic dreams? Did a stint as an actor on As The World Turns.
In the works? Working on a reality show that will follow him and his estranged wife through their divorce.
Who Christopher "Kit" Culkin father of Macaulay Culkin
Claim to infamyTurned little Macaulay into the most famous kid on the planet, then totally tanked his career through overexposure and sheer madness.
Dad! Do you have to be so power-hungry and psychotic? You're embarrassing me in front of my friends... Macaulay allegedly spent a good chunk of his childhood bringing home millions of dollars but sleeping on the sofa. When Kit split with his wife, they fought over their kid's money.
Failed artistic dreams?Was in 19 plays including two on Broadway. Was also an extra in West Side Story. So, yes.
In the works?Godfather of Michael Jackson's two kids. Kit is working to clear Jackson's name of what he says are bullshit charges.