Leafing through my mail a few weeks back, I notice a letter from Rogers Cable. Since it isn't a bill, I figure that I'm being notified that the CRTC has approved yet another monthly rate increase for the telecommunications monopoly to provide me with intermittent service via a wire. Think Ted Rogers will deduct last Saturday morning's TV and internet outage from your February bill?
Instead, the letter informs me that BBC Newsworld, the American Movie Channel and Turner Classic Movies are being moved to basic cable and that the stations they now occupy - CNN Headline News (37), CNBC (55) and the Speed Channel (48) - will move up the dial into the pay zone sometime in February, Now, I can handle the loss of sanctamonius Nancy Grace and look forward to the occasional BBC documentary. But I live for the Speed Channel which is odd, I suppose, because I don't even know how to drive a car, let alone own one.
Still, there's no way I'm going to fork over another three bucks so I can get 40 hours of Spanky Assiter and the annual Barrett Jackson antique and muscle car auction, but I will miss NASCAR. Not that I'd ever watch a race, but I like to leave them on when I go out to deter burglars. Besides, What Not To Wear says a wimp lives here.
A few Thursday afternoons ago, I automatically tune to channel 48 to catch My Classic Car but the Ted Turner putsch has begun. I'm expecting colourized dreck but find Richard "Dr. Kildare" Chamberlain and Joey Heatherton channeling Catherine O'Hara in a sexy 60s exploitation flick that looks like it could have been directed by John Waters called Twilight Of Honor in its place. Some classic, I sneer in that way I do. But wait a minute, isn't that a '62 Chrysler Imperial convertible Joey's drunkenly joyriding in? And there, why it's Rebel Without A Cause's Nick Adams behind the wheel of a '59 Plymouth station wagon! These old movies are full of old cars!!
So, it's goodbye Speed, and so long HGTV. I am yours TCM and I may never leave the house again.