The invitations have been mooched, sunglasses polished, and I've been air-kissing myself in the mirror for a week. The Film Festival is rolling, and so is my first foray onto the TIFF buzz beat.
Late nights and stiff drinks mean I'll probably miss out on seeing actual movies, so I spent a recent Saturday night watching classic gossip flick Sweet Smell Of Success to prep for the preening and loose lips that infest any celebrity-saturated environment.
The Elwy Yost types pontificating on the 1957 flick's lack of naturalism during the pre-show almost spoil the guilty pleasure of watching society writer J.J. boldface up his subjects, smear them down and then go home to sleep like a baby in his Gotham penthouse.
I couldn't be so biting if I tried, but as I blog about the people and places that stand out from the night before on another foggy morning after, I'll imagine I'm seeing the Chrysler Building from my window and not a Little Italy nonna pruning her overgrown grapevine.
For the next 10 days, I'm part of the machine that makes you believe it's all sparkles and Red Bull on the glitteratis' side of the velvet rope. Us Magazine is wrong. Stars aren't just like us. Those paparazzi shots where they pump their own gas or shuffle out of the Coffee Bean with java in Juicy Couture are as staged as a Scientologist's wedding.
Since I'm usually on the fashion beat, who's a "do" and who looks like they fell out of Rachel Zoe's closet of muumuus and diet pills will be at the top of my sightings.
The glamourpusses scheduled to litter red carpets and the after-party circuit include Charlize Theron, Sienna Miller, Uma Thurman, Cate Blanchett and Jennifer Garner. I promise to scream at least one "What are you wearing?" and pack a giant white sharpie to scribble "hooch" and "man whore" on the "don'ts" à la Perez.
Toronto's fest is known for mixing up its A-listers and onlookers. What will happen this year when we plebes and the big Clooney-, Damon- and Pitt-type personas slosh together?
Log on to nowtoronto.com/tiff/ daily to find out.