"Toronto killed Emma Goldman," I'll be printing on T-shirts to tap into the ingrained shopping instinct that makes even a G20 protester want a souvenir.[rssbreak]
In spite of decades of relentless hounding by the FBI and a freeze-out by some of her comrades who chose to turn a blind eye to the Bolshevik bloodbath "Red Emma" witnessed in Russia, she kept on fighting. It took exile in this here town to deliver the stroke that finally silenced the anarchist who shook the world.
Succumbing as she did to Toronto in 1940, EG never got to see the power of television. Nevertheless, I'm sure she'd recognize the techniques of modern broadcasters. It's anti-Canadian to condemn hockey hooligans and the actions of yob fans like the ones who trashed Montreal last month, unlike the fears whipped up about protesters.
The same double standard was evident on another network that referred to the violence as "high-spirited." The story quickly vanished, with never a mention of sports "terrorism."
CBC portrayed anti-G20 graffiti as tantamount to firebombing when it slipped a shot of a burning bank into a feature on cleaning paint off Toronto streets and businesses.
Call me a visionary, but I believe this massing of military and police forces will represent a peak in such expenditures of public funds. And not just because there will soon be nothing left, but because volunteers, interns and replacement workers are the wave of what's left of the future.
My think tank has also come up with ways to turn this G20 thing into a positive local boon. If, as has been reported, idle film studios are to be used as holding areas for detained protesters, why not encourage them to utilize the facilities to develop creative projects while they're cooling their heels? These are ideas people, and whatever they come up with could surely rival The Don Cherry Story.
The potentially deafening sonic boom device is a typically unimaginative way to disperse crowds - and unnecessary when hordes of sound poets and dialectical theoreticians are queuing for the chance to drive away big audiences.
It would take about five minutes to scare up more than too many guitar-toters who write and sing in squeaky baby talk that leaves anyone in earshot begging for mercy.
Lest this tank be accused of being one-sided, here's another. Protesters might consider wearing hockey jerseys. If everybody shows up as Wayne Gretzky, it might not be so easy to body check a swarm of Great Ones. Or try dressing like Bay Street men: a suit, tie and the wrong shoes. Or like Mahatma Gandhi. How about everyone wearing a shirt that says SECURITY?
Or head-to-toe bandages. I can't say what it is about the mummy look, but I've tried it and it feels good. The annual zombie paraders should definitely be called upon for their know-how. Their grey faces, gaping wounds and bloodstained get-ups are effective beyond words, therefore saving boreal timber from being spent on placards. Is it true that a herd of riding horses, including Shetland ponies, is galloping into town? Heard it at the feed store.
Emma Goldman lived in an anarchist house in New York known as the Bohemian Republic. The Bohemian Embassy is a condominium compound going up in Toronto. There's a rumour it could be the long-term prison for dissidents. Dare to protest in Toronto and you could end up doing lifestyle. Anybody on the street knows that's hard time.