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Sex, lies and social media

We women are socialized to fear the power of men as well as to protect them from taking responsibility for their sexual behaviour. This is the losing combination demonstrated by the current Jian Ghomeshi scandal.

The media/publishing world, as I knew it, was rife with male sexual entitlement. Celebrity authors on cross-country tours routinely propositioned their publicists and trolled for star-struck fans at book signings. As teachers of creative writing courses, they forgave themselves their predatory behaviour because they were artists as well as males.

I wasnt seen as easy prey, but when colleagues behaved badly I typically blamed myself as much as them. Despite being privy to all the salacious rumours, as a journalist writing magazine profiles I didnt ask my subjects about sex unless it was part of the story. The unwritten rule was Dont flaunt it, guys, and youre safe.

Ghomeshi, his female accusers and the CBC, are now being tried in the court of public opinion an experience I know firsthand.

A backlash favouring Ghomeshi would not surprise me, should he have a sympathetic story to tell.

In 1987 I published My Fathers House: A Memoir Of Incest And Of Healing. It told the story of my spontaneous recall of memories, previously blocked, of sexual abuse by my father. Though its hard to believe now, in the 1980s this issue was not yet on our cultures radar. Some of my friends feared I was committing professional suicide, but to my surprise my memoir was embraced by reviewers, readers and the media. Overnight, I became the poster girl for incest.

The first stop on my U.S. book tour was TVs AM Los Angeles. Having watched the male and female hosts help a chef concoct a favourite dish, then enthuse over hair styles, I was uneasy about what was wanted of me. The male host asked, with a big, encouraging smile, And what was your first childhood memory?

Expecting my microphone to be switched off, I replied, I was sucking my fathers penis while still so young I didnt know the difference between a penis and a breast.

Both hosts gasped, but then, with quick professional reflexes, began asking empathetic questions.

Though I was pre-interviewed a couple of times for Oprah, I was turned down because I was too all together, meaning, I suppose, that I wasnt going to cry. I thought that was amusing until I realized I was still in denial about the depth of my emotional damage. Probably still am.

Before my New York appearance on ABC-TVs The Morning Show, I heard the announcer say they would be interviewing a former sex slave. I was still wondering if this person would be sharing my segment when the lights turned on me and I discovered that I was the sex slave.

My Fathers House was the first of what became a tidal wave of personal exposes that brought to public awareness an appalling truth: child sexual abuse is endemic in North America, cutting across barriers of wealth, education, religion and social prominence.

This was too much truth, producing a backlash spearheaded by an organization called the False Memory Syndrome Foundation composed mostly of parents who claimed to have been falsely accused. According to them, overly ambitious therapists were planting false memories in the minds of their vulnerable daughters.

This syndrome was a godsend for criminal lawyers. The media were also complicit. If you tell a story one day, then deny it the next, you have two stories. Therapists became frightened of legal suits. Our culture was back in its comfort zone: denying both support and truth to female victims.

Since my memories had not returned during therapy, I did not fit FMS theory. Instead, I was accused of poisoning the minds of the gullible with reports of my fathers alleged abuses.

Alleged scholar Elaine Showalter devoted a page to me in her 1997 book Hystories: Hysterical Epidemics And Modern Media, in which she attempted to rid the world of the nuisance of recovered memories, multiple personality, chronic fatigue syndrome, Gulf War syndrome, etc. In her brief analysis, she got my books title and date of publication wrong. She claimed I was under the influence of a therapist a critical falsehood and that Id made up the story of abuse out of guilt over an affair that caused my divorce, leading to damage to her husband, who died soon after. What?! In point of fact, my husband died 12 years later. The rest of Showalters nonsense is just that nonsense.

Eventually, the reality of child sexual abuse became impossible to contain. It wasnt only girls who were abused, but also boys. The predators might be trusted persons with opportunity: coaches, scout leaders, doctors, teachers, therapists, priests. It wasnt just individuals, but groups that preyed on the most vulnerable: kids in residential schools, in orphanages, in reform schools. Covering up for these pedophiles were principals, professional boards, politicians and bishops.

Given all of the above, I was startled to learn recently, from a woman writing her doctoral thesis on My Fathers House, that the truth of my memoir published almost three decades ago was still being hotly debated by academics, some of whom quoted Showalter enthusiastically.

After discovering that an upcoming academic conference, which invoked my name, was inviting papers, I offered to contribute even attend. I was politely turned down. Too much reality for these Old World survivalists. I was reminded of Dolly Partons story of having anonymously entered a Dolly Parton look-alike contest, only to be eliminated in the first round. She couldnt compete with all her blond-wigged, big-breasted caricatures.

But back to Ghomeshi. When it comes to social change, timing and celebrity can be hugely significant.

Rock Hudsons death did for AIDS what singer Karen Carpenters death did for anorexia and Robin Williamss death is doing for depression.

Thanks to social media, Ghomeshis story has in mere weeks passed through waves that used to take months or years: his denial and immense public support, more allegations, growing public revulsion, an out-pouring of sexual abuse stories from other women, and then, finally, a criminal investigation.

Is this a watershed moment for female sexual harassment?

Significantly, the Ghomeshi investigation has been led by male journalists, and strongly supported by other males. In my view, it was when boys came forward as victims of sexual abuse that the case against it became solid.

A backlash favouring Ghomeshi would not surprise me. Should he tell a sympathetic story, involving childhood abuse, he would also be seen as a victim the stance he originally tried, but failed, to take. Women would likely rush to his defence. They would want to understand and protect him, as they have been socialized to do, stealing the spotlight from his accusers. A hardcore group comparable to the fact-blind Ford Nation stalwarts would write to him offering to engage in rough sex and proposing marriage.

If the case against him proved tough enough, he would be seen as a representative of only himself, letting all other guys with guilty secrets think well of themselves once again.

Whatever happens on the social level, I believe Jian Ghomeshi is fortunate to have been stopped. His alleged violence was escalating, and choking consensual or otherwise is not an exact science.

Sylvia Fraser is author of a dozen books, hundreds of articles for major magazines, and received numerous prizes for her work.

news@nowtoronto.com | @nowtoronto

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