Fave Pride accessory?
My Lucky Dyke T-shirt. My girlfriend Melissa bought it for me 10 years ago. It’s a spoof of the Lucky Strike cigarette logo and pretty much sums up how I feel.
Nina Levitt, part of Video Art Is Queer at the Gladstone (1214 Queen West), launching Wednesday (June 25), 7 pm. Free.
R.M. Vaughan, reading on the James Canning Gardens Stage June 28, 4:30 pm. Free.
Leather jockstrap, hands down. (Or should I say, “Bottoms Up”!)
Deko-ze, performing on the South Stage June 29, 8:30 pm. Free.
Homo multi-coloured beads. So 80s and so gay.
Mariko Tamaki, reading on the James Canning Gardens Stage June 28, 3:30 pm. Free.
A long-haired butch.
Paige Gratland, creator of Celebrity Lezbian Fist, launching at Art Metropole (788 King West) Saturday (June 21), 1 to 3 pm. Free.
I wouldn’t think of going out to Pride without my husband, Marcelo. He proposed at Pride five years ago. Since then, he’s never been out of style.
Mathieu Chantelois, host of A Starry Night at Cawthra Square June 27, 6 to 11 pm. Free.
A soap box, a megaphone and the Bible. Just kidding – my beautiful girlfriend. You can’t miss her; she’ll be the one in a rainbow toga crying and asking everyone, “Have you seen Mae Martin?”
Mae Martin, performing in Homo Night In Canada at Buddies in Bad Times (12 Alexander) June 28, 8 pm. $25.
Give me a 60 of Smirnoff and a gaggle of hags and I’m set.
Andrew Johnston, hosting Bitch Salad at Buddies in Bad Times Tuesday (June 24), 8:30 pm. $8.
Money. And something leather.
Billy Newton-Davis, performing on the Wellesley Stage June 29, 6 pm.
kd lang or Rufus Wainwright?
Kd lang is gay?! Are you sure?
Kd wins for that picture in Vanity Fair, years ago, of her in barber chair getting shaved by Cindy Crawford.
Rufuuuuus! He was one of my closest friends in high school, at Pierre Laporte in Mount-Royal, Quebec. They kicked him out of the music program because he didn’t have enough talent. Puahaha! He’s a genius – he just needs a new stylist. (Please don’t tell him I said that.)
Anything, anything – cats drowning, broken axels scraping pavement, a sizzling tire fire, a jammed weed whacker set on high speed – but Rufus Whineright.
Kd, if only because her name is also the name of an awesome food.
Rosie or Ellen?
Lindsay Lohan because she needs our support as a brand new lesbian. Ellen and Rosie are doing just fine.
Geez, that’s like asking whether I want white or red wine with dinner. One is more refined, genteel, the other sharp and full-bodied. It’s a mood thing – I go both ways.
Rosie. My obsession with Rosie O’Donnell grows more intense and unhealthy every day. Yellow! (That’s Rosie-?speak for all that is happy and joyous. I’m an insider like that.)
I’m more of a Rita MacNeil man myself.
Crystal Waters’s 100% Pure Love all the way!
Help, by the Beatles.
All By Myself, by Eric Carmen. That’s my anthem every other day of the year, too.
Natasha Bedingfield’s hymn of self-possession, Unwritten. I also tend to feel exceptionally proud during Pantene commercials and the opening sequence of The Hills.
Ultra Naté’s Free. The song is meaningful in so many ways, and Oscar G’s supercharged tribal remix sounds massive on every sound system!
Dancing Queen. Love the dance remixes.
Pride survival tip
Libation no, hydration yes.
There is no such thing as too old.
Apart from tanning, trimming, shaving, waxing and douching? Nothing beats taking a week off work after the celebrations.
Do not ask the DJ to play I Will Survive more than once.
Curl up in a ball and rock back and forth humming All By Myself, by Eric Carmen.
Eye contact means consent, so use it sparingly.
Queer you wish would go back in the closet
Me. I’ve hit the lavender ceiling so many times, I have to wear a helmet at my desk.
All of them except Angelina Jolie. I want her and me to be the only lesbians in the world, so we have no choice but to get married and go live in the woods together.
Senator Larry “Washroom” Craig. There is nothing worse than a homophobic homosexual who opposes our rights but exercises his to have sex with men in a public bathroom.
Log Cabin Republicans. A gay Republican should be an oxymoron.
ANT. And not so much into the closet as into the casket.
Whoever comes to Pride with those ridiculous whistles.