Tara Reid owns!
As much as I'd like to believe that something like last night's orgy of pomp and celebrity worship was like a non-stop thrill ride, hanging out and taking it all in in real time can be slightly more mundane. It's no surprise that the televised awards were full of low-attention-span-type edits to keep everyone there (big screens everywhere) and at home glued to the tube. But once the cameras are done shooting all the kids going crazy and losing their shit everything gets kind of static behind-the-scenes. But last night I figured that I should try something a bit different, something other than just standing around looking surly and waiting for something interesting to happen. I thought I'd walk around finding celebrities for photo ops.
Cadence Weapon in the upstairs lounge area.
The walking around part was easy cause I was given this swanky pass that got me all over the place inside the Chum building. For anyone who doesn't know, all the press and media-type people are shuffled into the area behind the performance stage in the parking lot, and we're given lots of good food (tiny burritos, barbecued brisket and roti) and boozy drinks. Inside and upstairs there's more food and a press area where celebrities answer questions and pose for pictures.
George Stroumboulopoulos still looks relatively attractive with his tongue out.
These girls were part of the red carpet thing. I think they escorted celebrities to the carpet or they opened car doors or something. They were nice.
There's also a gift area for all the famous people, since, you know, they all totally need more stuff. Apparently Avril Lavigne liked the Mavi jeans, and some dude from Billy Talent likes wearing Fossil watches.
Kissin' Steve Jocz from Sum 41. I think the whole thing weirded him out a little.
Awesomely, I was allowed into the more "exclusive" party area upstairs where they had these vodka cocktails that tasted like watermelon and mint. They were good. But back to the point: I was on a mini-quest with my buddy Mary to get pictures with famous people. Last night I was a wannabe starfucker, and this is my story.
Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton.
First person I saw was Jack Layton, who was friendly. He and his wife Olivia Chow posed. Nice smiles for both of them. He said they came every year because they live nearby. Then, as we went inside so I could go pee, we saw Traci Melchor looking all pretty. She was super nice too, and she even kissed my cheek (swoon), which gave me an idea – get celebrities to either kiss me or embrace me somehow (like, literally, not metaphorically). I wanted famous hugs dammit.
Emilie de Ravin on the red carpet.
After that we went out on the red carpet where all the action was at that point. It's weird that all these people stand around waiting for autographs. Maybe they ebay them or something. Anyhow, lot's of cameras and noise and lights and mostly really underwhelming arrivals from the likes of Alexisonfire and most of the guys from Hedley. I believe their singer/Canadian Idol finalist was replaced with a blow up doll, who looked much more genuine. Then that local "R&B" singer George came, which was also uneventful. Can't say I was crazy about his choice of jacket. Emilie de Ravin from Lost came by next. She was short. But she was also pretty.
Red carpet craziness.
I should note that it was almost impossible to get shots with people where we were because they were being rushed by us, like Hillary Duff, which was hard to take, since I have a massive crush on the Duff.
Tracy Melchor making me feel special in the hallway.
At this point I noticed that the biggest starfucker of them all was out on the carpet – tacky celebrity blogger Perez Hilton. But it looked like he was actually answering interview questions, as opposed to asking them. He was also wearing a tablecloth around his neck, which must be fashion-forward or something. I can understand why people read his blog, because it's pointless and easy and mean-spirited and generally written by an ignorant prick (ironic no? since I'm kinda doing the same thing right about now), but the idea of making a good living and getting a bazillion little perks because you write stupid little captions under paparazzi photos is beyond me. I guess he's ok because he hates Avril Lavigne though.
Then one of the single greatest moments of my life occurred: I saw Tara Reid. I needed to have a picture with her, so we waited just inside the red carpet and basically ambushed her. I put my arm around her, but I was too shy to ask her to kiss me on the cheek. She's beautiful in real life, and she smelled nice too! Tara Reid owns.
After that we sort of milled around more and watched the award show for a bit. I was sorta whatever, and it was pretty apparent that the MMVAs are clearly about glitz and glamour as opposed to artistic merit in video direction. So yeah, I went to the upstairs bar and saw Steve from Sum 41, who while his band isn't very good, looked like a man who would kiss me. He said no, but suggested that I kiss him instead. That's compromise baby!
Jack Layton and Olivia Chow and me trying to look metal.
Then two girls in hot pants agreed to sandwich me. They were friendly too. Say what you will about George Strombo's show, but there's no denying he's one of the nicest dudes in this city. Seriously. We stuck our tongues out for a picture. He has nice eyes. Cadence Weapon was there, but he looked a little grumpy. Maybe I was just projecting my own insecurities though. I took in some more of the show and saw a truly weird Avril Lavinge break down in tears as she won the fave Canadian artist award for her Girlfriend single. I can only assume that she is a master of crocodile tears, or that she mistakenly thought she had just won the "President of the Universe" title.
Members of Hedley.
So in retrospect, I don't know that I entirely succeeded at being a massive starfucker, but I'm still learning so…
The backstage area in the parking lot.
What I do know is that it's hard tracking people down and asking them to pose in silly pictures. It was all very tiring, especially with all the people everywhere and the heat and the sheer loudness and bigness of the whole thing. Good thing the bars were always close by and refreshments were bountiful.