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don’t go to the light, globies
After years of watching the dailies foolishly flail trying to attract young readers who never respond, new Globe editor Eddie Greenspoon is facing the facts. Speaking to the pressing concern of his rapidly aging readership — their deaths — the Globe devoted this past weekend’s entire Focus section to something called The Way We Die. With readers racing to the bottom of the playground slide of life, Greenspoon’s wags offered tips on do-it-yourself burials and snappy ways to ship cremated ashes. At least they’re not peddling another painful Teen Times section or the love life (just about finished, with marriage imminent) of Rebecca Eckler, like their clumsy competitors. Can we expect a Where To Die Cheap cover story from Toronto Life in the near future?
what galaxy are you in? Pompadoured PR prowler Gino Empry’s new autobiography, I Belong To The Stars, is a chronologically challenged book launching at 2 pm Sunday (December 8) at David Mirvish Books. Put the dates together and Empry started his firm at 12 and was faxing worldwide before the machine was invented. And watch him wander into homoerotic delusions. On Jack Lemmon: He was crazy about hot dogs. I hollered, ‘So am I!’ I knew then I was going to enjoy him…. When we met, we came together like one person. It was incredibly easy to relax with his gigantic talent.
a man of snaction
After years hiding in city council’s shadows, lacklustre Scarborough member Norm Kelly has puffed out his chest and found an issue he can sink his teeth into — broccoli. Kelly recently got a real live appointment to the city’s board of health. And now the Crêped Crusader has decided the board needs better snacks. Our Norm feels the peanut butter, cookies, soft drinks and chicken sandwiches served at meetings (hey, nobody told us there were snacks) should be replaced with healthy stuff. He wants crunchy vegetables, green tea and fresh fruits. And whole wheat crackers — gotta have crackers. We’re sure Norm’s Agincourt constituents will sleep better tonight.
what jerk-offs
Posters pushing a U of T production on teenage sexual awakening (you mean Internet porn?) Spring Awakening, are disappearing on campus. Seems the two images, one of a woman self-pleasuring through her panties and another of a young man, er, getting a grip, have been flying off the hallowed walls, often replaced by posters for an imminent Christian event. But the posters aren’t even allowed inside the Hart House Theatre. The House’s manager thinks younger-than-average crowds might be offended by images of self-love. Hmm, teenagers? Masturbation? Yup, they’d be horrified.
