In a last-ditch effort to rehabilitate his image, Mayor Mel Lastman makes peace with his unacknowledged family and formerly adopts the Louie brothers, giving them the rights to a Bad Boy franchise in Elliot Lake. He also adopts Herbie, Atom Egoyan, Tie Domi and the monkey from his son Blaine's appliance commercials. "The little fella looks like he needs some love," says the mayor. "Domi, that is."chris cops out
chris cops out
City councillor Chris Korwin-Kuczynski briefly supports one-time Liberal John Nunziata in his bid for mayor. Korwin-Kuczynski withdraws his support when he learns Nunziata's former Liberal caucus grouping, the Brat Pack, had nothing to do with bratwurst or any other sausage.
hall of a choice
Barbara Hall realizes her support for the fixed link to Toronto Island has alienated her natural constituency and withdraws so her more clear-headed progressive competitor, David Miller, has an open field in the next mayoralty election. There's no punchline on this prediction, but if Hall doesn't drop out of the race she has yet to enter, the right wing will be laughing all the way to the mayor's office.jakobek role-playing
Realizing his political career is toast, Tom Jakobek opts out of local politics and joins an executive consulting firm that runs anger management training programs. Jakobek is employed as the "before" character in their sessions, and his demonstrations of desk-smashing, verbal abuse and ranting e-mails prove a sobering lesson for all his firm's trainees.
roller derby drabinsky
After his success building hype around the Toronto Argonauts -- he didn't actually sell that many more tickets -- Garth "I don't want to go to the States anyway" Drabinsky teams up with disgraced ex-hockey honcho Allan Eagleson to bring "Roller Derby for the New Millennium" to town. His Garthness is quoted as saying, "This'll show those sons of bitches who was right." Yes, it will, Garth. And what flavour cake would you like the iron file shipped in?new tvo reality show
new tvo reality show
Freshly reappointed TVOntario head Isabel Bassett announces the network's new reality show, The Bassett-Eveses, a look inside the lives of Ontario's tottering premier and his first lady. Says Eves, "It worked for a washed-up rock star -- why not a washed-up politician?" Viewers will get an amazing behind-the-scenes peek at Isabel's daily face-tightening, Ernie's intense how-to-look-humble sessions in front of the mirror and the friendly tiffs between the glittering couple over where to keep dearly departed Doug's Toronto Telegram bound volumes and his bags of money. Polkaroo appears as the couple's child and will be known as "the Beaver" on the show.