Penises still threatened
Viagra may be a miracle drug, but if the sale of seal penises and reindeer antlers has dropped since that product popped up, people haven't abandoned other ancient "remedies" for dick dysfunction. TRAFFIC, a global wildlife trade monitoring network affiliated with the World Wildlife Fund, discounts a recent report that since Viagra's 1998 launch the reindeer antler and seal penis trade in North America has shrunk. A spokesperson for TRAFFIC, who successfully resists seeing see any humour in the discussion, notes that sales of alleged penis pals sea cucumbers and sea horses have gone up while the antler and penis trade shrivelled, er, drooped, er, went flaccid.
"SUV owners are plugged in to Canada's deepest values....
Buying lots of gas is patriotic."
Globe columnist Margaret Wente (February 25) demonstrates her intellect's poor fuel efficiency
Mayor Mel MIA
Lame schmuck Mayor Mel Lastman will ride into the sunset the way he came. The Mayor Who Wore Prison Stripes bailed from this week's follow-up summit on Policing, Race Relations and Racial Profiling, staying out of one of Toronto's biggest issues. So as the police union hikes up its pants menacingly at the idea of any review of the force, Mel skips out yet again, sidestepping a showdown with Fantino and the rest of his police pals.
Ernie Eves's happy talk
Provincial election silly season is upon us. Fun to watch Ernie Eves toss all his Tory principles (at least until he sleazes back into power), wandering around town with his cheque book hanging out like a drunk's shirt through his open fly. Need money? Promise to forget the last seven years of nightmare Tory rule? Here ya go, fella. And there's an onslaught of bullshit happy-talk ads from the province. A new radio spot urges listeners to call a help line for the freezing homeless. But the ad's assurance that they'll be retrieved and taken to a place featuring a warm smile and a cozy bed is pure fiction. If such a lovely, safe place existed, street people would get there on their own.
Keep pissing them off, Jack
The federal NDP, with new leader Jack Layton, has doubled its support, and the conservative parties' whining has begun. Fresh from being passed in the polls, the Canadian Alliance and the Tories moan that Layton is hogging Parliament Hill's scrum mikes. Keep going, Jack. Forget the "protocols" and "traditions" the Alliance invokes, and ignore the Tories' "gentlemen's agreements" and Joe Clark's talk of "privilege." Piss them off, get in their face and keep speaking for the millions of Canadians not represented by the polite parties.