UpFront

Rating: NNNNN

Ontarians shouldn’t be too confident our meat supply is any safer than Alberta’s. When the Tories took power in 1995, Ontario had 150 full-time meat inspectors. Now we have eight. True, the province hires 120 part-time private contractors – Walkerton, anyone? – but they’re less trained and have a 30 per cent turnover rate. Say, maybe this vegan thing ain’t such a bad idea.

“We’ve had 10 years of the greatest economic run in the history of Canada and there are still lots of Canadians who are bleeding, in pain because they cannot afford to support their children.” – Long-time federal cabinet minister and Liberal leadership candidate Sheila Copps makes us wonder what the hell she’s been doing while helping run Canada for the last decade.

OK, we were wrong — the provincial Tories don’t hate all kids. They just hate poor kids, middle-class kids and kids whose parents have cash but don’t want to abandon the public school system. But they love rich kids, as their recent increase to the already absurd private school tax credit shows. The move will take $500 million out of the provincial treasury, cash that could be used to save our once great but now crumbling public schools.

The New Jersey Devils/Anaheim Mighty Ducks Stanley Cup final is so dull that even Tom Jakobek won’t take a free trip to it. The Devils/Ducks Stanley Cup final is so dull that if Tom Jakobek says he can’t remember being there he won’t be lying – even if he attends. The Devils/Ducks Stanley Cup final is so dull that Tom Jakobek will demand extra steak at his boozy sales-rep-paid-for dinner after the game.

We knew heavy metallers Staind were losing the rawk when they followed up their thundering debut with their latest under-selling snore-fest. Now they’ve wimped out of their sales-challenged Toronto gig because of “SARS concerns.” Heavy metal musicians, health concerns? What would Ozzy say? He never worried about health concerns as he merrily bit the heads off live bats onstage. Now that’s metal mayhem.