Maple Leafs champion idiots
After three decades of ineptitude, the Toronto Maple Leafs play hockey like they hate competition but, as a business they can't handle competition either. Eugene Melnyk, new owner of the Ottawa Senators - lucky them - wants the much-loved, Maple Leaf Gardens used again for hockey. Many fear the inevitable condo-ization the yellow brick barn, so the billionaire's plan to move his St. Mike's junior hockey team there is a great one. Too bad the penny squeezers at Maple Leaf Corp don't want the potential competition for mid-sized events that the re-booted building might pose. They'd rather flatten this reminder of the franchise's few bright spots for condos than lose a couple of Jann Ardenn or Journey shows. Two minutes for being complete assholes.
Falling Eves predicted for autumn
It takes a black out to make service-slashing premiere Ernie Eves look good - how perfect because this loser looks best in the dark. But, Ernie Eves and his Tory troglodytes have been destroying Ontario brick by brick since 1995. They do not manage money well, the province is falling a part and just because he appeared on TV many times he did not help handle the blackout crisis, he helped create it. Just because he has a nasal, whiny voice, Eves is not harmless, he destroys things. If you want Ontario to bear even a slight resemblance to the healthier, better-educated and more decent province it once was, do not allow Eves and the rest of his slithering pack of snakes sneak back into power on October 2.
Water bombers a bust at the Ex
We wish for a world where fighter bombers and military planes only use was to appear at air shows after their war roles were cancelled - and then we'd can the air shows. But Ontario's Tory government pulled airplanes out of service for the CNE air show that were actually needed. Two water bombers were taken from active duty fighting forest fires in Alberta to entertain candyfloss-munching midwayers at the CNE's closing weekend. With nine forest fires burning out of control in Ontario as well as dozens more across the country, the planes could have been better used than to puff up the pride of our provincial poobahs.
More reasons to vote for Miller and Hall
“We could end up with a mayor who does not like the police. If either Barbara Hall or David Miller are elected Mayor, it would be detriment to our membership. These candidates are not our friends.”
- Toronto Police Union's top gas Bag, Craig Bromell panics about possible police accountability in the union's newsletter.
Roll with the new Jays
They ignored our proposals to rename the city's ball team the Roaches or the Toronto Bong Hits but we're happy with their new name, the Jays. We look forward to Jumbrotron lead chants by fans screaming "Light up the Jays", rally cries of "Roll up the Jays" and sports reports referring to trades as "Passing a Jay" and winning streaks accompanied by headlines that scream "Jays Smokin'". Reports that a hookah smoking Cheshire cat will replace the team's lame-o pseudo hip-hop mascots have yet to be confirmed.
More reasons to vote for Miller or Hall
"We could end up with a mayor who does not like the police. If either Barbara Hall or David Miller is elected mayor, it would be detrimental to our membership. These candidates are not our friends."
- Toronto Police Association top gasbag Craig Bromell panics about possible police accountability in the union's newsletter