Who's the funniest new comic in town? A good place to find out is the annual Cream Of Comedy showcase, where five of the best young comics vie for the biggest laughs and the $3,500 Tim Sims Encouragement Fund Award. Jon Dore, no stranger to up-and-coming talent (he's that wacky Canadian Idol correspondent), hosts the gala night that crowns the new comedy king or queen Monday (November 21). See Comedy Listings for details.
How would you describe your humour?
Bob Kerr: Think of an old man singing poorly. Like my brother, Ben Kerr.
Mack Lawrenz: Airwolf crashing into a Nintendo factory.
Jeff McEnery: Bitter and self-serving.
Pat Thornton: Awesome.
Kathleen Phillips: Mondo to the max.
What's your motto?
Thornton: "If you're gonna shit where you eat, try to eat around the shit."
Kerr: "Don't fuck up."
McEnery: Don't end up back in Acton."
You're the love child of two artists - who are they?
Thornton: Michelangelo and Donatello - cuz they're artists and Ninja Turtles, just like me.
Kerr: David Cross and Bob Odenkirk.
Phillips: Tom Selleck and Frida Kahlo.
Why do you deserve to win?
McEnery: Listen, kid, I've got more bits than a team of horses. I got more tags than a mall gift wrapper. I got more callbacks than Firestone tires. I got more punchlines than an event where multiple bowls of punch are served.
Kerr: It would be great television.
Thornton: Cuz I can set a room on fire.
Why don't you deserve to win?
Thornton: I'm an arsonist.
Kerr: Because I will have strategically abused the "Butterfly Vote," which disenfranchises black voters. (See Bush, five years ago.)
What do your parents think of your career choice?
Kerr: I dunno. They never return my calls.
Lawrenz: They're all for it, from very, very far away.
Worst part-time job?
McEnery: I got fired after three hours at the Acton KFC. The manager thought I was mentally retarded.
Phillips: Wet nurse.
Most embarrassing moment?
Lawrenz: Bad Street Fighter II streak.
Thornton: The time I screwed up a joke and only got half a standing ovation.
How will your comedy change the world?
Thornton: It will be discovered that my comedy is the cure for athlete's foot. Who knew?
McEnery: It won't, but do you think Corner Gas will?
Where do you want to be in five?
Phillips: Filling in for Regis.
Kerr: Playboy Bunny ranch.
Thornton: In the tabloids in a love triangle with Kirstie Alley and Bat Boy.
Is Cream Of Comedy a good title?
Thornton: I'm lactose-intolerant, so it's a little weird for me.
Lawrenz: Only when applied to the affected area.