Maybe you’ve been so beaten down by the winter from hell that you don’t think you can ever smile, let alone leave your house, again. If so, take heart. As temperatures finally return to the double digits, appearances this week by three home-styled observational stand-ups should thaw even the most frozen funny bone and get you out of your home. Kristeen von Hagen, Eddie Della Siepe and Shaun Majum-der are, respectively, leaving home (on the Girls Night Out Tour), representing his hometown (at Yuk Yuk’s $25,000 Great Canadian Laugh-Off) and raising money for the homeless (at the Raising The Roof comedy weekend).
What was your worst early-career gig (in five words or less)?
Della Siepe: House party. Coffee table. $20.
von Hagen: Barn. Horses. Bad allergies.
Majumder: Etobicoke. Basement. Birthday. Cartoon-porn.
Last day job before becoming a full-time stand-up comic?
von Hagen: Professional usher at the Elgin and Winter Garden Theatres. Against my will, I know every lyric from Joseph And The Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat.
Majumder: Teaching first aid. True story – this is how one student explained what she’d learned: “So you find where the ribs meet, which is located at the base of your chest bone or scrotum, and then you put your fist below that and that’s where you push when you do the Hymenlick manoeuvre.”
Kristeen von Hagen, Panasonic (Apr 5)
Best April Fool’s stunt pulled on you?
Majumder: A Happy Father’s Day card from my girlfriend of 10 years.
Complete the sentence: “Shaun Majumder, Kristeen von Hagen and Eddie Della Siepe walk into a bar…”
von Hagen: “…and all the girls in the bar are jealous of Kristeen.”
Della Siepe: “…and realize the bar is actually an audition holding room for a deodorant commercial.”
Majumder: “…and the bartender says, ‘Wow, I love you guys but I have to say – no offence, Kristeen and Eddie – Russell Peters, you’re my favourite.’”
Worst bastardization of your name?
Della Siepe: Freddy Della Siepe.
von Hagen: Kiristen von Magen.
Majumder: SaHoon Ma Hoom Bear.
Shaun Majumder, Rivoli (Apr 4-5), Second City (Apr 6)
How did you spend Earth Hour?
Della Siepe: Playing solitaire on my BlackBerry.
von Hagen: Drinking in the dark and waiting for 9 pm.
You versus Jonathan Roy – who wins?
Della Siepe: Me. I carried a can of mace under my hockey pads as a child. Bad neighbourhood. Don’t want to get into it.
Majumder: I would get a bunch of my Tibetan Buddhist monk buddies and kick his ass.
The documentary on your life will be called?
von Hagen: The Diet Starts Tomorrow: The Kristeen von Hagen Story.
Majumder: Booty’s In The Eye Of The Beholder: The SaHoon Ma Hoom Bear Story.