My vagina and I had the pleasure of attending a sacred tantric masturbation workshop that completely turned around my ideas about love.
It happened once upon a Burning Man, the week-long alternative arts festival that celebrates radical self-expression. There are camps for everyone and everything. Do you want to know more about neuroscience? Or maybe you have a wild waffle craving, or possibly you always wanted to watch someone get spanked?
One fine afternoon I found myself at the Shaman Dome on the recommendation of a friend who had spent an hour there with a shaman discovering her spirit animal. I felt confident my spirit animal was a panda (mainly because a man with one arm and one leg told me so), but I figured there was no harm in a second opinion.
When I got there, I was informed that the spirit animal sessions had ended but the sacred tantric masturbation workshop was starting in a few minutes. I blushed slightly, feeling both awkward and intrigued.
To be completely candid, I had never orgasmed from masturbating. When it comes to sex with another person, I’m in it to win it. Reaching orgasm’s easy. But left to my own devices, I’m sexually dissatisfied. Maybe I’m just too lazy to finish myself off? Maybe I’m doing it wrong?
“Welcome!” A beautiful blond woman greeted me, dressed as if she were the sixth member of Gwar. She stood in the middle of about 20 males and females, ages 18 to 68. She introduced herself as Dr. Bliss.
“I created this event because I’m interested in exploring sacred tantric rituals, yet I’ve found that all the activities required a partner. Being single, I thought, ‘That’s bullshit.’ This workshop is intended to dissolve sexual shame. Through masturbation, you will unlock sacred energy and connect with the universal spirit.”
Her candour created a safe space to be vulnerable.
After the inspiring spiel, Dr. Bliss instructed us to lie on our backs with our heads toward the centre (for ener-getic purposes, of course) and begin “unblocking blockages.”
This involved exercises that mindfully trace tension and relaxation. We were then given the opportunity to take off our clothes, but only if we felt comfortable.
“Now we’re going to have a few min-utes of guided touching, followed by 20 minutes of individual ex-ploration while my friends play the drums, accordion and trumpet.”
Live music?! The avid concert addict in me was already turned on.
Everyone closed their eyes. My fingers nervously lingered along the lines of my flesh. Once again I wondered, “Am I doing this right?”
“Remember, tantra is not about the orgasm. The orgasm is simply a side effect.”
A wave of relief surged among the naked circle. How interesting human beings are, to be so concerned with right and wrong. We are so attached to how things ought to look that we lose sight of the pleasures of the process. Consumed by the craving for validation, we often can no longer achieve the desired results. Did you come? Did I come? We’re so focused on coming that we can’t even come!
I grew a raging smile boner at my orgasmic epiphany. I got out of my head and deeper into my body.
“You are all gods and goddesses!” Dr. Bliss shouted as the music escalated. I felt like a goddess, deserving of pleasure, deserving of love. In that mo-ment, I realized that self-love was not only emotional, but physical.
My hands passionately penetrated (myself/my pussy) to the pulsating drums. Soft moaning, fast gentle joy – squirt. I couldn’t believe it. Suddenly I remembered that I was lying in a circle with other people, and laughed.
You may read this and find it strange, yet there was something so normal and natural about the experience. It is more bizarre to me that people are not having these kinds of conversations, that society prefers to keep sexuality a secret. I invite you to question your perspective. I invite you to love yourself.
Elizabeth Shapiro is a New York-based JewBu (Jewish Buddhist) working on her master’s in social work, which she’ll combine with holistic mind-body methodologies and creative arts therapies. Contact her at esshapi@gmail.com.
